In Oates’ famous short story, Connie’s epiphany does not happen until the very end. Although some might argue that Connie recognizes the flaws in her perception of the world during her encounter with Arnold Friend, her true epiphany does not occur until the final paragraph.
Connie is more than just...
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a shallow, precocious, narcissistic adolescent, although she does appear that way in the beginning of the story. Connie is actually an innocent young woman, representative of a naive individual whose false sense of self-assuredness insulates her from imagining the potential consequences of her actions.
Even still, Connie can not be blamed for attracting the attention of the menacing, enigmatic, somewhat supernatural Friend, whom Connie never even spoke to prior to his showing up in her driveway. Her epiphany, then, is not her realization that her sexual expressions or risk-taking led to her becoming the target of a predator.
Connie’s primary fear near the end of the story is not for her own safety but rather for her family’s, for whom she chooses to sacrifice herself in exchange for Friend’s promise not to harm anyone but her. This suggests that Connie was not really self-centered even at the beginning of the story. Rather, she is a typical angst-ridden teenager whose superficial rebellion against her parents is a common form of boundary testing at her developmental stage. Connie herself describes all of friends in similar terms, suggesting that she is not unique in her way of rebelling. She is no more or less shallow than most of her peers, meaning this is not a defining trait.
What does make Connie stand out among her peers is her preternatural beauty and her certainty of the future. Connie believes that her life will follow a certain trajectory based on her assumption that she is destined for a life different from her mother’s, whom Connie views as bitter and envious of her own daughter’s freedom. Connie believes that because she knows what she is doing—that because she purposefully manipulates men’s sexual interest in her to her benefit, she is exempt from their control.
Connie sees her mother as a victim of society’s view of women as mothers and wives, although she does not explicitly say this in the text. Rather, it is implied that Connie represents the less restricted gender roles and sexual politics of the 1960s.
When Arnold Friend turns Connie’s sexuality into a weapon he uses to threaten and terrorize her, Connie is forced to confront the reality that she is just as much at the whim of society as her mother.
When Connie decides to sacrifice herself to save her family, she understands that this means surrendering her sexual agency to Arnold Friend. Since she now understands that she will be relegated to the control of a man regardless, Connie exercises her agency by choosing to get into his car.
Connie’s disconnect between her body and her consciousness, as it is described in the penultimate paragraph, underscores the idea that Connie’s body does not truly belong to her—and it never has.
The “vast sunlit reaches” that Connie understands she is “going to” signify her epiphany that in a patriarchal society, she will never have complete bodily autonomy. With that lack of bodily autonomy also comes the notion that her future as she once saw it no longer exists—and it never did.
Connie’s epiphany is that the same patriarchal structures that subjugate and oppress her mother still exist to undermine women’s physical and psychological independence, despite the seeming progress that has been made. Because of this, she can never be truly free, so she chooses the lesser of two evils. At least when she gets into Friend’s car, it is her decision.
At the beginning of "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" Connie believes herself wise and believes that her beauty will create positive opportunities for her. She characterizes her mother, by contrast, by noting that she "hadn't much reason any longer to look at her own face" and dismisses her without concern. Connie believes herself wiser than her mother, thinking that "it was maybe cruel to fool her so much." Connie slips around rules, going places that she shouldn't be, and makes a great game of not getting caught. She is shallow, finding her significance in boys, hair, make-up, and clothes. She sees the world as a land of positive opportunities and believes that her pretty face will bring her a fulfilling life.
The shift comes when Arnold Friend shows up at her house after she refuses to go with her family to her aunt's house for a barbecue. When a car pulls up in the driveway, her immediate thought is of how bad she looks, reflecting her values so far in the story, and she doesn't even consider that this person could harm her. She shouts "Who the hell do you think you are?" at the man as he arrives. But as he continues talking, she realizes that somehow, Arnold Friend has been watching her for a long time, gathering information about her so that he could prepare for just this moment. She accepts that he is going to kill her and that she cannot escape. Near the end of the story, she fully accepts her fate, one that perhaps her pretty face has brought her but not in the ways she'd always envisioned:
She was hollow with what had been fear, but what was now just an emptiness. All of that screaming had blasted it out of her. She sat, one leg cramped under her, and deep inside her brain was something like a pinpoint of light that kept going and would not let her relax. She thought, I'm not going to see my mother again.
The mother she has retaliated against for so long is one of the focal points in her final moments in her house. This shift shows that Connie has transformed from a girl who believes her pretty face will bring her happiness into one who understands that maybe because of it, she has received the attention of a dark and evil man who will end her life—and she has spent her short years valuing the wrong things.
Connie's epiphany in "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" comes when she realizes that the adult world is not as promising and beautiful as she had imagined. At the beginning of the story, she goes to the drive-in restaurant where older kids hang out as if it were a temple:
"They went up through the maze of parked and cruising cars to the bright-lit, fly-infested restaurant, their faces pleased and expectant as if they were entering a sacred building that loomed up out of the night to give them what haven and blessing they yearned for."
The restaurant promises the opportunity to listen to music and gain attention from boys, and Connie basks in this attention, unaware that it could lead to anything but good times.
Her epiphany comes when Arnold Friend pulls up at her house when she is alone. She spends some time speaking to him and his friend in a flirtatious way until she realizes that Arnold is not what he appears. When she asks him how old he is, his smile disappears. Oates writes: "She could see then that he wasn't a kid, he was much older—thirty, maybe more. At this knowledge her heart began to pound faster." This is an epiphany for Connie because she knows that Arnold does not represent the carefree good times that she is used to having. Instead, he is bent on deception, and, as the story goes on, she realizes that he has even more horrific things in mind for her.
Connie has led a fairly shallow existence prior to the appearance of Arnold Friend--a life consumed with boys, clothes, and her own looks. Because she has so little sense of who she really is, Arnold is able to invade her and, essentially, take over her mind and her body. At one point, Connie stops being afraid of Arnold and realizes that she is "hollow" and empty. She goes on to think that her "pounding heart" is not her own and that her own body isn't either. This is the most self-insight Oates allows before Connie gets into Arnold's car and is driven away.