Adam Fenwick-Symes

Adam is the protagonist of the novel. In some ways, he stands in for the author, though he is a somewhat passive character and lacks Waugh's acerbic personality. He struggles to earn money as a writer, and after a mishap in which the manuscript of his autobiography is confiscated by customs officials for being profane, he obtains a job as a gossip columnist. He receives the job after his friend Simon, the former columnist, commits suicide. However, Adam fabricates stories and is fired. This means that he is unable to marry his fiancée, Nina, due to a lack of money. Adam eventually enlists in the army. While at war, he finally tracks down a drunken major who owes him money, but it is too late to salvage his plans for marriage to Nina. His fate is disappointing.

Nina Blount

Nina is Adam's love interest and fiancée. She is the beautiful daughter of Colonel Blount but seems quite self-centered and materialistic. She is portrayed somewhat negatively in order to make Adam a more sympathetic character, and she herself is a merely two-dimensional character—a bright young person who goes to parties and is mainly focused on flirting and drinking. Due to Adam’s financial issues, the two are unable to marry. Nina suggests several times that Adam speak to her father about the money, and each time he leaves empty-handed.

Mrs. Melrose Ape

Mrs. Ape is an American evangelist. She is based on a real person—Aimee Semple McPherson (who lived from October 9, 1890–September 27, 1944), a radio evangelist and leader of a megachurch who traveled and held popular revival meetings. McPherson was a media celebrity similar to modern televangelists. Although the events in the novel are fictional, Waugh does portray the celebrity status of McPherson realistically. Ironically, Mrs. Ape is a lesbian in Waugh's novel, and she travels with a troupe of singing angels.

Agatha Runcible

Agatha is the leader of the Bright Young People. She and Adam share an encounter with one another as they are searched by customs officers in France. Agatha is suspected of jewelry theft—she then calls the newspapers to publicize the accusation. She is mainly portrayed as reckless, promiscuous, and a drunk. At one point, she replaces a race car driver in a car race and manages a record lap time, before driving off into the countryside in a hallucinatory fog and crashing, injuring herself. She ends up in a nursing home.

Simon Balcairn

Simon is a friend of Adam’s who runs a gossip column. He struggles with depression and, when he is kicked out of a party due to this role, he commits suicide by gassing himself in an oven. His job is then offered to Adam.

The Drunk Major

Adam wins 1,000 pounds in a bet, then gives the money to the drunk major to place on a horse race. The major disappears with the money. Adam encounters him again at a motor race, and the man claims he has Adam’s winnings. However, he disappears again without returning it. Later, in the war, the two meet again. The major, now a general, still has Adam’s money. The two share champagne in his staff car.