Summary
Hajime is an only child who is both happy about this fact and also upset that when people learn it, they'll think him spoiled—and therefore weak. He doesn't feel very connected to his parents or to anyone in particular, except his first friend in school, Shimamoto. She had polio, and as a result, she walks with a limp. He has a strong affection for her even though when they're older, he decides to stop visiting her. Shimamoto remains the rubric for the women Hajime is with until the end of the novel.
When he's older, Hajime dates Izumi for over a year. They're very close, and he thinks of her as his. He says that he didn't understand at that point how he could hurt someone for whom he had a responsibility, especially when she was delicate and kind. But when he meets her cousin, his selfishness outweighs any loyalty he had for her. He pursues the cousin, and they have sex several times for a couple of weeks. He says that even if the cousin had been middle-aged with children, he'd still have slept with her because the magnetism between them was so strong.
Hajime isn't successful until he meets his wife, Yukiko. Together, they have two little girls. He gets money and help from his father-in-law to open a nightclub in Aoyama; it's so successful that he opens a second one a few years later. He says that without his father-in-law, he'd still be a broke textbook editor. Still, he constantly feels empty as if he's waiting for something to happen.
Enter Shimamoto. She comes back into his life and they reconnect. Her baby died the previous February, right after she was born. Shimamoto never even got to name her. Hajime goes with her to scatter the baby's ashes. He's in love with Shimamoto and he's ready to give up the rest of his life to be with her.
When they finally sleep together, Shimamoto disappears the next day. Hajime feels anxious and broken. He confesses the affair to his wife, who needs time to think. Meanwhile, Hajime realizes that Shimamoto was planning to kill him and then herself the morning she disappeared. He doesn't know why she changed her mind.
Yukiko decides to take her husband back. They can start fresh. Hajime says that he doesn't know if he'll hurt her again and that something in him is always wanting something new and different. Yukiko says she used to have dreams too. At the end of the novel, Hajime sits at the kitchen table thinking until he feels a hand—presumably his wife's or one of his daughters's—on his shoulder.
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