of the D’Urbervilles, Tess Goode is a teenage idealist railing against the pretentiousness of London life and her Westminster education. She yearns for American shores and fiercely guards her autonomy against her mother Sara’s intrusions. Her rebellion is vividly showcased in the play’s opening as she defiantly proclaims her career aspiration to be a hairdresser, despite her mother's expectations.

The tension between Tess and her mother mirrors the classic teenage rebellion. Her mother disapproves of her choice in boyfriends, and her involvement with the Lithuanian resistance only fuels their discord. Tess's fiery spirit clashes with Sara’s during philosophical debates, especially over dinner guest selections like Nicholas Pym. She challenges her mother’s judgment, declaring she won’t invite Tom "to dinner here tonight with the socially acceptable, racist, sexist, and more than likely anti-Semitic Nicholas Pym," thereby openly confronting both her mother and the values she perceives in Pym.

By the play's conclusion, Tess emerges triumphant, carving out a cherished spot in her mother's life. She symbolizes the next wave of Rosensweig women setting forth on their own journeys of self-exploration. In observing Tess, the sisters come to a poignant realization: their youthful rebellion against their mother is no longer a luxury they can afford.

Mervyn Kant

“I was a show biz and novelty furrier. Now I am the world leader in synthetic animal protective covering.” Mervyn Kant, affectionately known as Murf the Smurf or Sir Murf, stands as a sharp-witted, fashion-forward Jewish-American businessman. At fifty-eight, he resides at the Savoy Hotel above Charing Cross station in London, weaving humor and melody into life just as Geoffrey does. Despite his playful nature, Merv carries a profound dedication to his Jewish heritage, exhibited through journeys to Budapest with the American-Jewish Congress and dining with Dublin's Rabbi.

Merv’s most remarkable traits, perhaps honed through life’s myriad experiences, are anchored in his unmatched politeness. His genuine curiosity about others often borders on excessive respectfulness. Patient and tolerant, he listens ardently to Gorgeous, who rambles on at their first meeting and insists on calling him Merlin even after asking his name. Sensitive and supportive, Merv acknowledges Tess’s fervor for the Baltics by sharing insightful tidbits about her Jewish roots in Vilnius.

From the play’s beginning, Merv's romantic interest in Sara is more than fleeting. As the story unfolds, he becomes the singular figure capable of melting her icy façade, revealing her softer, passionate nature by sharing personal tales. He stirs nostalgia within Sara by recalling their intertwined pasts in New York and affectionately calling her “Sadie,” a cherished nickname from her grandfather. Merv continually reassures Sara of her capacity for love, even when she doubts it. When Sara casually remarks on the challenges of being with her, Merv wittily retorts, “there are real possibilities in life, even for left over meat and cabbage,” like them.

Nicholas Pym

“The racist, sexist, and more than likely anti-Semitic Nicholas Pym” graces Sara’s birthday party guest list as a high-society Englishman of elitist demeanor. With a sharp tongue and flippant manner, Nicholas’s words reveal an underlying insincerity. During a dinner conversation, he offhandedly dismisses the Lithuanian independence movement by comparing it to Kentucky's craving for Colonel Sanders' chicken.

Nick serves as a stark contrast to Merv, his snobbishness clashing with Merv's playful charm. At one point, a disagreement erupts between them over European anti-Semitism. Tess sees through Nick’s facade and suggests that Merv is a more suitable match for her mother. She quips that Nick is “one of those weirdo English bankers who takes sixteen-year-old models to dinner” and then goes home, “puts panty hose over his head and dances to Parsifal.”

Pfeni Rosensweig

Pfeni Rosensweig, an eccentric forty-year-old journalist and globetrotter, arrives from Bombay, India, with her shopping bags in tow for Sara’s birthday celebration. Renowned for her work, one of her books is even on Tess’s reading list for next semester at Westminster. Despite her accomplishments, Pfeni remains unattached, except for her sisters, Sara and Gorgeous, grappling with intimacy and identity crises. Tess, her niece, echoes her mother’s sentiment: “My mother says you compulsively travel because you have a fear of commitment and when you do stay in one place you become emotional and defensive just like me.”

Pfeni battles with the unconventional lifestyle she has chosen, half-heartedly chasing a future with Geoffrey, a wishy-washy bisexual director in a long-distance relationship. Her insecurities push her to seek a lasting bond, but ultimately, the end of her relationship with Geoffrey becomes empowering. Embracing her journalistic talents, she realizes that a life of travel and career is what her heart desired all along.

She stands as a staunch ally to her niece Tess, whose rebellious spirit mirrors Pfeni’s own youthful defiance. Pfeni not only supports Sara but helps her see that Tess’s rebellion is a natural echo of the desires they all harbored as teenagers.

Gorgeous Teitelbaum

The vivacious, flamboyant, and ever-sociable Gorgeous Teitlebaum stands out as the Rosenweig sister most fixated on conforming to societal norms; her existence revolves around appearances. She showcases this trait with Merv, describing her siblings as "such funsy people." Proudly self-identified as a new-age diva, Gorgeous hosts a radio talk show where she acts as a pseudo-psychologist for the ailments of American pop culture. She sees herself as much more than a stereotype: "I am what they call a middle-aged success story. And I am having a ball." In this role, she frequently becomes a yenta—meddling in her sisters' marital affairs—and assumes the role of the family's self-appointed therapist. As the guardian of Jewish traditions, Gorgeous insists, "remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy," dismissing Sara's interruptions as she continues her ritual of lighting candles and praying.

While her sisters may excel intellectually, Gorgeous often stumbles, speaking with little regard for truth, much to Sara's frustration. Her self-centered conversations with Merv, whom she stubbornly calls Merlin despite his corrections, reveal that her polished facade conceals deeper insecurities. Contrary to Sara's assumptions, Gorgeous is more introspective than she appears, as she grapples with the family's financial woes. Her exuberance and seemingly unshakeable demeanor take her sisters by surprise when she reveals her husband's career collapse. This revelation unveils a different facet of Gorgeous, prompting each sister to confront her own narrow perspectives.

Tom Valiunus

Tom Valiunus, Tess's working-class boyfriend, is as fervent about the Lithuanian resistance as he is about savoring foods of bold hues. His ultimate dream is to open his own radio supply store. Tom remains largely oblivious to the tensions between Tess and her mother, seemingly unaffected by Sara's disdain for him. Though his intentions are earnest, Tom lacks sharpness, and his bumbling remarks inject humor into the narrative. A classic moment occurs when he and Tess stumble upon Gorgeous's Sabbath observance, prompting Tom to ask, "are you having a séance? ... I love Stonehenge." In another instance, when Merv inquires about what pairs with European nationalism, Tom awkwardly suggests, "American movies and CNN?" Dating Tom is Tess's act of rebellion, contrasting her sharp intellect against his dim-witted and uninspired nature.