Jordan

Jordan serves as one of the two alternating narrators in the story. His earliest memory provides the starting point of the narrative, which he propels with his romantic heroism. In 1630, as an infant, he is rescued from the Thames by the Dog-Woman, who names him after a more redemptive river, raises him, and eventually lets him go on a quest that is central to the tale. Jordan's imagination is sparked at the age of three by the sight of the first banana in England, leading him to craft miniature boats and dream of distant lands. By the age of ten, he is discovered by the renowned explorer and royal gardener, John Tradescant, who becomes his mentor and grants him passage to explore uncharted territories. Motivated by the memory of Fortunata, a fleeting vision of a dancing princess, Jordan embarks on a voyage, hoping she will help him find his true identity.

The Dog-Woman

The Dog-Woman is a formidable giantess who shares the role of narrator with her adopted son, Jordan. She makes a living by breeding fighting and racing dogs. Her immense size, greater than an elephant's, does not prevent her from disappearing into thin air at will. As the more grounded of the two narrators, she offers historical context to Jordan's fanciful and philosophical musings. A loyal Royalist, she uses her extraordinary size and bravery to protect and care for Jordan while combating the harsh Puritans. Although she is self-reliant and has committed murder (her father being her first victim), she still possesses the vulnerability of a mother worried about her son’s heartbreak.

A neighbor to the Dog-Woman, mistaken for a piece of salt beef due to her filth, possesses clairvoyant abilities. She predicts heartache for both Jordan and his mother, adding another layer to the Dog-Woman's concerns.

John Tradescant

John Tradescant, inspired by the historical Tradescant the Younger, spent his early years exploring foreign lands and gathering rare plants for his father’s museum and garden in Lambeth. Upon his father’s death in 1637, he inherited the position of the king's gardener, though his heart always remained with the sea. His fascination with one of Jordan's handmade boats reignites his passion for adventure, and he sees in Jordan the opportunity for new voyages. Tradescant embodies the virtues of the monarchy, standing in stark contrast to the ignorance, repression, and hypocrisy of the Puritans.

Fortunata

Fortunata is the youngest member of the Twelve Dancing Princesses, whose tales form a part of the novel's first half. She captivates Jordan's affections and possesses an ethereal quality, being so lightweight she seems like an essence. After fleeing from an arranged marriage, she travels the globe and establishes a dancing school in Barbados, where her students move so swiftly they transform into points of light. When Jordan eventually finds her, she no longer seeks rescue but instead imparts enough of her spirit for him to navigate his journey.

The Dog-Woman’s neighbor

The Dog-Woman’s neighbor, often mistaken for a side of salt beef due to her extreme filthiness, is a practitioner of the occult with clairvoyant powers. She foresees heartache for both Jordan and the Dog-Woman, adding a prophetic dimension to the narrative.

Preacher Scroggs

Preacher Scroggs is an opportunist who, alongside Neighbour Firebrace, aligns with the Puritans in their uprising and denounces the king. However, their true nature is revealed when they are caught at a brothel, ultimately resulting in the king's vindication.

Neighbour Firebrace

Neighbour Firebrace, in concert with Preacher Scroggs, seizes the chance to join the Puritan revolt, only to later be exposed during a visit to a brothel. This...