One Size Doesn’t Fit All (And Other Thoughts from the Road)
John Madden’s dislike (he will not call it fear) of flying is well-known to his millions of television fans. In his new book, he explains how he is performing the seemingly impossible feat of covering weekly professional football contests in widely separated cities without using planes. The solution to the problem was found when Greyhound Lines offered him a customized bus worth $450,000 in exchange for giving motivational talks to Greyhound employees. Now Madden sleeps in a queen-sized bed while a pair of drivers whisk him from city to city, crossing the United States in as little as fifty-three hours. He can make phone calls, watch television, listen to the stereo, conduct business, play poker, and eat his meals all in transit. Madden has become the envy of a large segment of the male population: a man who gets richly rewarded for watching and talking about football and who is now being transported to the games in regal splendor. Many rich and famous people consider it an honor to be invited along for a ride on the Maddencruiser.
Madden, however, insists that he is still a regular guy--although at six foot four inches and admitting to three hundred pounds, he is not a regular but a 52-long. He likes football, boxing, drinking beer, playing poker with the boys, and eating. A sensitive reader could get heartburn simply from reading about what this man eats. His favorite is Mexican food, and, as might be expected, he likes the hottest of hot sauces with...
(The entire section is 441 words.)