Oh Dad, Poor Dad, Momma's Hung You in the Closet and I'm Feelin' So Sad

by Arthur Kopit

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Albert
Consult Jonathan Rosepettle

Edward
Consult Jonathan Rosepettle

Head Bellboy
The esteemed Head Bellboy, bearing the distinguished title of lieutenant, commands a squadron of diligent bellboys. His authority is tested by Madame Rosepettle's blatant disregard for his esteemed position when, in the play’s opening moments, she unleashes a barrage of insults upon him. This occurs as he and his cohort usher her, Jonathan, their baggage, and an exotic entourage into their opulent suite at the Port Royale hotel. When she reminds him of her status as a wealthy tourist, promising him another stripe for his service, he swiftly succumbs to her whims, reduced to a contrite and subservient figure. Thus, he becomes the inaugural casualty of the domineering and whimsically tyrannical Madame Rosepettle.

Robinson
Consult Jonathan Rosepettle

Rosalie
Rosalie, a blend of babysitter and governess, finds herself entrusted with a dozen young charges, left behind by affluent parents who gallivant across the globe, occasionally expanding her youthful assemblage. Just two years Jonathan’s senior, she possesses a worldliness that might lead one to believe she is two decades ahead in experience. Clad in soft pink and innocent white, Rosalie’s appearance belies her tales of numerous amorous encounters, if her anecdotes are to be trusted. Madame Rosepettle announces that Rosalie has indulged in romantic escapades even with the eldest among her entrusted male wards.

Madame Rosepettle, eager to extinguish Jonathan's budding fascination with Rosalie, orchestrates a visit from the girl, presuming Rosalie would reveal herself as worn and wayward. Contrary to her calculations, the meeting ignites mutual curiosity between Rosalie and Jonathan. She perceives him as a new conquest, a timid soul yearning for liberation from his mother's stifling grasp.

Rosalie takes it upon herself to emancipate Jonathan from Madame Rosepettle's overbearing influence through seduction. Yet, her clandestine visit is abruptly disrupted in a grotesque turn of events, when the deceased form of Jonathan's father tumbles from a closet, toppling upon her. Rosalie's life is claimed as the grim price for her advances, following her confession of inexperience. The prospect of Jonathan’s liberation crumbles beneath an avalanche of books, stamps, and coins scattered across Madame Rosepettle's bed.

Commodore Roseabove
Commodore Roseabove, a lavish yachtsman and owner of the grandest vessel in the Caribbean Sea, is an idle playboy with amorous ambitions for Madame Rosepettle. During her extravagant sojourn at the Port Royale hotel, he lavishes her with fine dining and wine, only to find his efforts futile.

In the play's climax, the Commodore makes a futile attempt to woo Madame Rosepettle within the chaos of his ravaged suite. Despite his offerings of champagne, music, and tender words, she dismantles his romantic gestures with biting mockery. As she unveils her predatory nature and peculiar desires, his initial charm crumbles into terror. She literally seeks his heart, but not the man attached to it, leaving her intentions veiled in mystery. In the end, she witnesses him retreat with his dignity shattered, a pitiable "nothing" in her dismissive gaze. Though he once stood apart from the ordinary, the commanding and emasculating Madame Rosepettle easily reduces him to a bumbling relic.

Jonathan Rosepettle
Jonathan, offspring of Madame Rosepettle and the late Albert Edward Robinson III, finds himself suffocating under his mother's smothering protection. Her obsession with preserving his innocence has molded him into a quivering, anxious soul, riddled with irrational fears and simmering resentment.

Madame Rosepettle confines Jonathan within their lavish hotel suite, surrounded by her peculiar menagerie of creatures. Under her stern guidance, she insists he seek enlightenment through coins, stamps, and books, rather than firsthand experiences. Yet, Jonathan's innate curiosity drives him to the...

(This entire section contains 1262 words.)

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balcony, peering through his handmade telescope at the vibrant life bustling in the streets below.

Instilled with wariness by his mother, Jonathan suppresses all natural desires, even those of the heart. Rosalie, by Madame Rosepettle's intention, visits him, hoping her real-life presence would highlight her supposed moral failings, turning him away from her—and women entirely. But Jonathan is drawn to Rosalie, and despite his crippling fears, he musters the courage to express his interest, imploring her return.

In their subsequent meeting, however, chaos ensues. Rosalie embarks on a brazen seduction, enticing Jonathan towards Madame Rosepettle’s bed. When she confesses to her prior exploits, confirming Madame Rosepettle's warnings, Jonathan silences her with her own skirt, entombing her beneath his hoarded stamps, coins, and books.

Madame Rosepettle
Madame Rosepettle, a woman of extraordinary eccentricity and immense wealth, stands as the peculiar matriarch to Jonathan and widow to the late Albert Edward Robinson Rosepettle III. Presumed to be in mourning, she dons somber black attire and carries her husband’s coffin along her travels through the Caribbean, accompanied by her son and an eclectic collection of possessions and pets.

From the very beginning, one cannot help but sense the commanding presence of Madame Rosepettle. She embodies a terrifying caricature of the "Ugly American" tourist, issuing fierce orders and menacing threats that send a shiver through the beleaguered hotel bellboys, all struggling to ferry the Rosepettle's peculiar belongings into their opulent suite. When the Head Bellboy musters the courage to challenge her blatant disregard for his authority, she swiftly reduces him to a submissive servant, reminding him that she is the "Tourist," the bearer of wealth, and the one whose demands must be met.

Madame Rosepettle's iron grip extends to her son Jonathan, whose life she attempts to mold within the confines of their hotel suite. She meticulously orchestrates his activities, permitting him to indulge in reading, playing with stamps and coins, and tending to her exotic pets: a pair of carnivorous Venus flytraps and a silver piranha named Rosalinda. As she endeavors to shape Jonathan for some ambiguous future greatness, she inadvertently transforms him into a fragile, timid creature riddled with insecurity. In essence, she epitomizes the archetype of the overbearing mother gone wild.

Moreover, Madame Rosepettle is the quintessential emasculating woman in a frenzy. She views romantic love between men and women as a disease requiring eradication. Her favorite nocturnal activity is to stroll along the beach, contemptuously kicking sand over couples embracing beneath the moonlight. When Commodore Roseabove makes romantic overtures, she chillingly suggests she might accept his affections—if only he were willing to literally offer his heart on a platter. In a candid revelation, she confesses to having spent but a single night with her husband, an unattractive man she wed at twenty-eight, still a virgin. Her scorn extinguishes the Commodore's ardor as she expresses utter disdain for the simplistic male gender, whom she manipulates and derides as nothing but fools. She even admits to relishing the role of executioner, having murdered her husband, whose corpse she keeps in a closet like a grim trophy. The terrified Commodore, with his grand yacht, is fortunate to escape her clutches alive.

Madame Rosepettle's relentless mission is to shield her son from the distasteful entanglements of sex. To quash Jonathan's growing fascination with Rosalie, she hires the girl to visit him, convinced that Rosalie will inevitably expose herself as nothing more than a harlot. Yet, this revelation does not come immediately, and Jonathan's interest in Rosalie only intensifies. Madame Rosepettle's suspicions find some validation when Rosalie later attempts to seduce Jonathan, openly admitting to past promiscuity. Despite this, Rosalie exhibits a spirited defiance that challenges Madame Rosepettle's rule, though the encounter ends tragically when Jonathan inadvertently suffocates her. In the aftermath, Madame Rosepettle demands explanations for the deaths of her beloved pets and the unsettling scene of Rosalie's body, now entombed beneath a cascade of stamps and coins.

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