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Marriage Is a Private Affair

by Chinua Achebe

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What ethnic difference separates Nnaemeka and Nene in "Marriage Is a Private Affair"?

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The ethnic difference between Nnaemeka and Nene in "Marriage Is a Private Affair" by Chinua Achebe lies in their tribal backgrounds; Nnaemeka belongs to the Ibo tribe, while Nene is from the Ibibio tribe. This ethnic divide is a significant barrier because Nnaemeka's father, Okeke, adheres to traditional beliefs, desiring his son to marry within the Ibo tribe. This cultural and ethnic mismatch contributes to the conflict as Okeke disapproves of their marriage, leading to familial estrangement.

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In Chinua Achebe’s story, Nnaemeka is the son of Okeke; they are of the Ibo tribe. Nnaemeka falls in love with and wants to marry Nene, a young woman who is of the Ibibio tribe; they had met while both were living in Lagos, the capital of Nigeria. Okeke’s plan was to follow tradition and arrange a suitable marriage. He desired that his son marry another Ibo, preferably one from their village. Christianity is another factor, as the father cannot believe that the potential bride—whom he refuses to meet—is a good Christian, although his son insists she is. Okeke so strongly disapproves of the idea of a marriage between the two tribes that he withholds his blessing; they marry anyway and subsequently father and son are estranged.

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Why are Nene and Nnaemeka distinct characters in "Marriage is a Private Affair"?

In his short story "Marriage is a Private Affair," Chinua Achebe attempts to portray the difference between modern Nigeria...

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as represented by Nnaemeka and his wife and the old traditional ways of Nnaemeka's father, Okeke. In the world of Nnaemeka and Nene, women and men tend to be equals. They can be considered distinct characters because of this equality and because, although they are married, they are independent in their thinking. In many ways, Nene is a modern woman and is not afraid to express herself. In the beginning of the story she is outspoken in her insistence that Nnaemeka talk to his father about their upcoming marriage. Because she is socially liberated in her role as a spouse, she cannot imagine any problem between Nnaemeka and Okeke over the marriage.

Nnaemeka, however, is not so sure and eventually learns that his father does not approve of the marriage. Okeke's opinion of marriages and women is quite different from his son's. For Okeke, a man's marriage should be arranged by his father and the wife should be quiet and submissive. When Nnaemeka tells Okeke that Nene is a teacher, his father claims that women should not be teaching and points to a section in the bible which indicates women should remain silent. Rather than submitting to his father's will, Nnaemeka marries Nene, asserting his independence while offering the idea that the world has changed and that people should marry out of love and not simply because of cultural traditions.

In the end, Nene again asserts herself by writing a letter to Okeke informing him that the couple has two sons who would very much like to see their grandfather. It is this letter and Nene's initiative that are pivotal in the softening of Okeke's heart in the final lines of the story when it is suggested that he will give in and see his son's family. 

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