out how the intense reverence of tradition at all costs can impact the relationships in families.  This is certainly the case between father and son, between Okeke and Nnaemeka.  One can presume that Okeke is angry because his son has sought to break tradition of the Ibo, has gone against his father's wishes.  This relationship is impacted through the upholding of tradition at the cost of familial bonds.  It is for this reason that there is such an intense fear that Okeke feels that his upholding of tradition will permanently impact the relationship between father and son with his death.  This fear, almost an impending sense of doom, is the closing image of the story, where a father seeks to run back to the son he has abandoned.  This is a touching image for all who have experienced a sense of abandonment in the hopes that the wrongs that have been perpetrated by family members can be rectified without a permanent end being dictated.

A poignant story about love conquering even the staunchest of cultural norms, Achebe's "Marriage is a Private Affair" has much to say in regard to the relationship between fathers and sons. It is a lesson that despite their own personal misgivings, fathers cannot dictate their sons' destinies for them for any reason, and certainly not for the societal or religious prejudices that may be outdated or even flawed. In the beginning of the story, Nnaemeka has chosen a wife very carefully, but he is quite nervous about revealing his intentions to his father as his intended, Nene, is not of the Ibo tribe.

Indeed, when Nnaemeka's father, Okeke, hears of his plans, he is furious and even considers the match to be a plot by the devil. Unable to sway Nnaemeka away from his love, Okeke resolves to simply disown his son in his heart and to cut him completely out of his life. Nnaemeka, however, has faith that his father will eventually change his mind. Indeed, when Nnaemeka and Nene finally bear Okeke's grandchildren, he feels his defenses falling. He is struck immediately by guilt over the relatively petty nature of his disagreement with his son, in the wake of two blameless children who simply want to meet their grandfather. He is overwhelmed by the sadness that he feels upon reflecting on all the time he wasted being hateful.

It is evident from the beginning of Chinua Achebe's short story "Marriage is a Private Affair" that the relationship between Nnaemeka and Okeke is quite amiable. Nnaemeka seems to be a faithful son who is very much aware of his father's opinion. Unfortunately for Nnaemeka, he falls in love with a woman who does not fit his father's expectations. It is a scenario which has played itself out many times in the history of father and son relationships. There is a generational and cultural conflict between father and son. Okeke lives in the traditional and prejudiced world of his small Nigerian village while Nnaemeka lives in the modern city of Lagos. Okeke fully expects his son to marry a woman of his own tribe and ethnic group. He has, in fact, already picked out a girl for his son. Nnaemeka, however, views the world in a different way. He no longer accepts the idea that his father should arrange his marriage and that he needs to live out his life married to someone who is socially and culturally appropriate, but whom he simply does not love. At one point in the story, Nnaemeka expresses his frustration with his father as he describes the girl he plans on marrying:

"Nene Atang from Calabar. She is the only girl I can marry." This was a very rash reply and Nnaemeka expected the storm to burst. But it did not. His father merely walked away into his room. This was most unexpected and perplexed Nnaemeka. His father's silence was infinitely more menacing than a flood of threatening speech. That night the old man did not eat. (Achebe 1347)

The reaction of Okeke reveals that he has been deeply disappointed by his son, who has probably never disappointed him before. Heretofore, the father and son relationship had been seemingly impeccable, most likely because Nnaemeka had always lived up to his father's expectations. Nnaemeka is simply not the rebellious son, and it is evident that he is distressed by his father's reaction. He hopes for the best and that his father will eventually accept his marriage. It takes eight years, but ultimately Okeke softens after hearing that he has two grandsons. In the end, love trumps stubbornness and it is suggested that Okeke will reunite with his son and his family.

MLA citations are very easy. A routine Google search should lead you in the right direction. I have used MLA style at the end of the quote, although the page number is for my particular anthology (World Literature, published by Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1993) and probably differs from yours. Also make sure to give a full citation of the story in your works cited section.

The father, Okeke, and son, Nnaemeka, in this story have presumably had a happy and fruitful relationship prior to Nnaemeka's decision to marry a woman not of his father's choosing—and, importantly, not an Ibo. In terms of their adherence to the cultural norms of their tribe, father and son are different; Nnaemeka lives in a more modern, cosmopolitan world, and does not believe he can marry someone he does not love. However, in terms of their personality, there are indications that the two are fairly similar.

Nnaekema knows his father well. At the beginning of the story, he anticipates correctly how his father will react to the news of his engagement. He also insists that, because his father is a good person and a product of his culture, he will forgive Nnaemeka eventually—which does turn out to be true. But Nnaemeka has evidently never truly disappointed his father before, and is alarmed by his reaction to the news, the "silence . . . infinitely more menacing than a flood of threatening speech."

What is notable in Nnaemeka's approach to his father is that he does not at any point ask permission to marry Nene. Instead, he asks "forgiveness." It is quite clear that Nnaemeka has already made up his mind and will not be dissuaded from his course. He is simply trying to ascertain the best way to explain the situation to his father. Nnaemeka is strong-willed and stubborn. Likewise, Okeke is wedded to his ideas and his view of the situation. While he believes that Okeke will eventually "kill himself" through this match, he will not allow the herbalists in the village to meddle in it, thinking that if he only waits long enough, Nnaemeka will change his mind and see the error of his ways. This is, of course, also what Nnaemeka is hoping from his father. The two strong wills endure for eight years, with father and son never seeing each other.

At the very end of the story, it is Nene's emotional appeal to Okeke on the part of his grandchildren which breaks through the old man's stubbornness and stimulates his "remorse." It seems likely that, without her intervention, these two men of equally matched wills may have never been reconciled, neither one willing to surrender his position.