Student Question
In "Marriage is a Private Affair," how does a father's love overcome his deep-rooted prejudices?
Quick answer:
In "Marriage is a Private Affair," Okeke's deep-rooted prejudices are overcome by his love for his grandsons. Initially, he rejects his son Nnaemeka's marriage due to cultural biases, cutting off contact. However, upon learning about his grandsons through a letter, Okeke experiences guilt and an emotional struggle. He imagines them "sad and forsaken," which softens his heart. Fear of dying without knowing them pushes him to overcome his prejudices, transforming him into a more loving figure.
Part of how Okeke's resistance to his son and grandson breaks down comes as a result of his own guilt. Okeke had taken a very hard- lined and prejudicial approach to Nnaemeka's and Nene's marriage. Okeke's embrace of his own cultural traditions and his own singular notion of the good caused him to draw arbitrary lines against his son. Okeke had demonstrated a strong fervor for these lines.
All of this changes when he hears that he has grandchildren. For Okeke, this is the one aspect that he never included in his calculations. The reality is that while he can shun his son and daughter- in- law, he would also be turning away his grandchildren. A significant part of the later stages of his life would be absent in his decision. When he reads Nene's letter that describes how his grandsons want to see their grandfather, the force of emotional...
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guilt helps to make Okeke more loving and thus experience more pain:
The old man at once felt the resolution he had built up over so many years falling in. He was telling himself that he must not give in. He tried to steel his heart against all emotional appeals... He leaned against a window and looked out. The sky was overcast with heavy black clouds and a high wind began to blow, filling the air with dust and dry leaves…. Okeke was trying hard not to think of his two grandsons. But he knew he was now fighting a losing battle… His mind immediately returned to the children. How could he shut his door against them? By a curious mental process he imagined them standing, sad and forsaken, under the harsh angry weather—shut out from his house to them.
Achebe draws out Okeke's characterization as more than one- dimensional. He tries his best not to "give in." Yet, "emotional appeals" causes him to acquiesce. Okeke confronts his own cruelty and callousness towards "his two grandsons." The imagery of "them standing, sad and forsaken" helps to move him into a more caring and more loving father. He recognizes at his moment that while upholding his cultural and prejudicial notion of the good, he has silenced his emotional compass. Due to this, "That night he hardly slept, from remorse—and a vague fear that he might die without making it up to them." Okeke becomes a more loving and caring human being out of the guilt over his actions and the hurt they might have caused to another.
In "Marriage is a Private Affair," how does a father's love overcome his prejudices?
The transformation of the grandfather in this story is the key to answering this question. He starts off completely opposed to his son's marriage outside of his tribe, and cuts off all communication because he is unable to accept his son's wife. However, what manages to break through the impasse of his stubborness is the letter that his daughter-in-law sends to him about his grandsons and how they ask about him constantly. This triggers a massive internal conflict within him as he resolutely tries to ignore the thought of his grandchildren, but eventually has to admit defeat:
Okeke was trying hard not to think of his two grandsons. But he knew he was now fighting a losing battle. He tried to hum a favorite hymn but the pattering of large raindrops on the roof broke up the tune. His mind immediately returned to the children. How could he shut his door against them? By a curious mental process he imagined them standing, sad and forsaken, under the harsh angry weather—shut out from his house.
The pathetic fallacy of the weather and how he imagines his grandchildren to be trapped outside in this angry weather is of course a powerful symbol expressing his own stubborness and how his grandchildren are suffering as a result. What overcomes his tribal prejudice therefore is the thought of him dying without ever getting to know his grandchildren, and robbing both them and him the chance of enjoying a relationship together. The story ends with the grandfather's fear that already he might have left it too late.