Mark Twain's essay offers satirical advice to young people regarding various areas of life, including obedience to parents, respecting others, going to bed and getting up early, lying, handling firearms, and reading. In order to adapt this piece for a modern audience, it would be helpful to first make a list of areas in which advice might be offered to young people, and then to satirize your recommendations on how one should respond. Possible topics could include screen addiction, oversharing on social media, retirement savings, short attention spans, college debt, healthy living, overstimulation from technology, political correctness, and/or a sense of entitlement in the younger generations.

An example of a chat one might give to a high school audience:

I am here to offer important advice for today's youth, which I know will be of great benefit to each of you. Please put away your phones and pay attention while I speak; it's rude to stare at a screen while in the presence of humans who are talking to you. There will be a drawing at the end of this chat for anyone who has shared relevant pictures and utilized my chosen hashtag, so make sure you're following and interacting with each of my social media accounts.

I hope you all realize that you are wonderful, special, beautiful humans who are capable of amazing things! If you work hard and set goals, there is nothing you can't accomplish. We live in the best country in the world, you attend the best school in this city, and you are smarter than any other students I've met! Make sure to never be overconfident, since the job market is difficult even for qualified applicants, since most of your test scores are simply average, and since there is little on your college applications that will set you apart from other applicants vying for the same spot.

While we're on the topic of college, make sure to live simply, save money, and plan carefully so that you don't end up in debt afterward! If you do find yourself burdened with loans, keep in mind that you won't have to pay them while you're in school; if you don't find good career options after your undergraduate years, simply take out additional loans and go to graduate school, which will allow you to postpone payment for several years longer.

Combining irony, humor or ridicule with common advice will allow you to craft your response to this assignment in a way that's personal to you and entertaining to your audience.

Oh, I just love this essay! It is so typically Mark Twain. As you know, it is a satire. He has been asked to give a speech to some young girls, and so he pokes fun at the usual advice given to young people by adults. For example:

Always obey your parents, when they are present. This is the best policy in the long run, because if you don’t, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.

We cannot write your essay for you, but we can help you get started. Think about some advice that you have received from adults, your parents, your teachers, or some advice that is really more like a lecture, and then do the same thing that Twain does - make fun of it. You could even paraphrase his words and put them into more modern English: For example, Twain says:

I have a few things in my mind which I have often longed to say for the instruction of the young; for it is in one’s tender early years that such things will best take root and be most enduring and most valuable. First, then. I will say to you my young friends

You can say (let's use the venue of a commencement address, since you are a senior):

Yo, dudes! I have been asked to give you all some advice as your class valedictorian. Soon we are all going to leave this prison we call school. Yes, we will be out in the real world. So what advice do I have for you guys? I have learned a lot of good lessons during my four years of high school, so.........here goes.

First, if someone offends you, don't get revenge. At least not right away. Turn the other cheek. Temporarily, that is. While you turn that cheek, be planning your future attack. Maybe you can put a dead fish in the person's locker.

Second, get up early every day. Remember that the early bird gets the worm. Not that you really want that disgusting worm - what you really want is to beat your roomate to the shower. If you shower first, your roomate has to clean the shower because he will be the last one in it. Also, you get first dibs on what little milk is left in the frig for your cereal.

You get the idea. If you are rewriting Advice to Youth, it must be a satire, so it cannot really be serious. Have fun with it!