Hi and thanks for your great question. You have clearly understood some aspects of figurative language well. I love this poem because it reminds me of long afternoons throwing a ball against a brick wall. Thank you for attaching the poem to help me.
I am sure you have understood the main message of the poem - that this young man (or boy) is completely absorbed in his basketball practice at dusk. The poet uses rhythm, punctuation, similes and personificationto show the young man's detachment from the world around him until, in the final stanza, he is completely invisible.
The first example you have asked about is, as you have correctly shown, a simile. The most important simile, however, is "as removed as the gossipy swallows" - his mind is not connected to his automatic actions because he is
"lost in the perfectly thoughtless motion of shot, rebound, dribble, shot,"
The second...
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part of the stanza compares the swallows flitting to "smoke in reverse", as they "give and go" (alliterationto show the swallows flowing togther) down the school's chimney (smoke goes up, therefore this is an effective simile to describe the swallows' quick and fluttery motion).
Your second example is indeed personification - the rim jealously guards its net, thus preventing a successful shot. I would argue that the sound implied is the sound of the ball bouncing off the rim, but the onomatopoeia of "shoots, rebounds, dribbles, shoots" is the sound created by the poet.
As in your first example, I would break the stanza into those two parts - the jealous rim clashing with the young man's ball and the steady rhythm of basketball practice.
Give clear explanations of your understanding of the figurative language and then explain what you think the poet wants the reader to imagine, see or believe.
To create a thesis about how these two are connected, try to focus on how disconnected the young man is from the rest of the world and how much he is focused on his basketball practice. (The similes in your first example show his automatic actions, detached from conscious thought, and the personification in the second example show his close connection to his practice).
Good luck with your assessment task!