How I Learned to Drive

by Paula Vogel

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Growing Up

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Audiences frequently miss that How I Learned to Drive is primarily a coming-of-age tale. This is partly because the main character, Li'l Bit, shows maturity and takes on responsibilities from an early age. The earliest scene, set in 1962 when Li'l Bit is just eleven, depicts her being warned not to ride with her uncle. She not only senses his inappropriate intentions but also displays a calm confidence that she can handle the situation. Furthermore, at eleven, she is insightful enough to express her emotional need for a father figure: ‘‘Just because you lost your husband—" she tells her mother, "I still deserve a chance at having a father! Someone! A man who will look out for me! Don't I get a chance?’’ Even at this young age, Li'l Bit shows a level of intellectual maturity that exceeds that of many adults. Her adult-like views on sex throughout the play obscure the fact that she still needs to experience emotional growth and distance herself from her family, particularly from Uncle Peck.

Another reason the play might not appear as a typical coming-of-age story is its unconventional structure. It starts with Li'l Bit as an almost thirty-five-year-old woman and then traces back through her life, ending at the earliest point in the timeline. The narrative delves into the complexities of Li'l Bit and Peck's relationship, but not in the order Li'l Bit lived it. She seems mature from the outset at seventeen, where the narrator says, ‘‘I am very old, very cynical of the world, and I know it all.’’ The play questions the traditional association between growing up and chronological age, suggesting that maturity is not solely linked to age.

The essence of the play's coming-of-age theme lies in Li'l Bit's emotional development, which culminates in her breaking away from her toxic relationship with her uncle. To do this, she must face the issues that drew her into the relationship, such as the mockery from peers and family that undermined her self-esteem and intensified her urge to care for Peck, help him stop drinking, and defend him from rumors. The audience needs to grasp the evolution of this relationship, but not necessarily in chronological order. For Li'l Bit, maturing involves gaining insight, not merely accumulating experiences, and this understanding does not follow a linear path.

Incest

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Legally, the connection between Peck and Li'l Bit isn't classified as incest since they are only related through marriage and not by blood. Peck is accurate when he states that once Li'l Bit turns eighteen, they could legally wed if he divorces his wife. However, from a moral standpoint, their relationship is incestuous due to their familial roles. Peck has been involved in Li'l Bit's life since she was born—he frequently reminisces, "I held you, one day old, right in this hand," a line repeated often in the play. Even without a blood relationship, Peck has acted as a father figure to Li'l Bit throughout her life, making it difficult to ignore this deep emotional bond after eighteen years. When Li'l Bit reacts with horror to his marriage proposal, she emphasizes this by stating, "Family is family," echoing his earlier words and showing her awareness of the social connections that once seemed insignificant to her.

Vulnerability

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The bond between Li'l Bit and Uncle Peck is deeply intertwined with their shared sense of vulnerability. The audience observes how Li'l Bit's family exacerbates her insecurities. They emphasize sexual topics when she is too young to fully comprehend them, and when she seeks answers, her grandmother describes sex as unpleasant and inevitable due to men's desires. Her mother's resentment...

(This entire section contains 349 words.)

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toward Li'l Bit's father compels her to succeed in love where her mother failed. This family dynamic makes Li'l Bit increasingly self-conscious during puberty as her breasts develop. Her family draws attention to them, turning them into a subject at Sunday dinners. Her peers, both male and female, treat her as though she is different, almost otherworldly. In stark contrast, her relationship with Peck offers her a sense of empowerment. He is the only family member who approaches her with gentle and reassuring words, while others make her feel self-conscious. Even at a young age, she manages to set boundaries within their relationship. At thirteen, when she agrees to meet him secretly, she insists, "You've got to let me—draw the line. And once it's drawn, you mustn't cross it." As their relationship progresses, she can make him plead like a child to unhook her bra in exchange for "being good." Uncle Peck's submissiveness compensates for how the world makes her feel vulnerable.

This relationship also assists Peck in dealing with his own vulnerabilities. As a Southerner, he feels out of place and finds comfort when he's barefoot by a fishing hole in South Carolina. When Li'l Bit questions why he doesn't return there, he responds, "I think it's better if my mother doesn't have a daily reminder of her disappointment." In the same conversation, he avoids discussing his wartime experiences, swiftly changing the topic. Later, Aunt Mary refers to the trauma from his wartime experiences as "whatever has burrowed deeper than the scar tissue," admitting that her approach to managing it is to keep conversations light. It's clear that Peck uses his relationship with Li'l Bit to recapture the sense of security he experienced in his lost childhood.

Gender Roles

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“Rage is not attractive in a girl,” a female classmate tells Li'l Bit when she yells at Jerome for grabbing her breast. This remark reinforces a belief Li'l Bit has already absorbed at home from her mother and grandmother—that women are expected to tolerate being objectified and it is their responsibility to do so. Her grandmother exemplifies this mindset when she talks about her relationship with Li'l Bit's grandfather. Even though she has never been interested in sex, she has complied almost daily throughout their marriage because he insists on it.

Although Li'l Bit's mother is not romantically involved with anyone during the play, she sends a similar message, warning that men are only interested in sex and that women must remain sober and alert to fend off their advances. In her relationship with Peck, where she holds power over an adult man, Li'l Bit seems to adopt a different perspective than the one she was taught. However, deep down, she still clings to traditional gender roles. She accepts that cars are female after Peck explains why he refers to his car as a "she": “when you close your eyes and think of someone who responds to your touch—someone who performs for you and gives you just what you ask for—I guess I always see a 'she.'”

Victimization and Sexual Abuse

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How I Learned to Drive is a memory play that deals with issues of victimization, sexual abuse, incest, and alcoholism. It is also a play about growth, acceptance, and forgiveness. Paula Vogel blends comedy, sadness, and pathos to examine a deeply dysfunctional family with a sexual predator in its midst. The humor allows Vogel to present disturbing scenes regarding the sexualization of children. This sexualization and exploitation are not only condoned but are also encouraged within the family.

Sympathy and Forgiveness

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The collision of tones complicates these issues and forces the audience to realize that the damaged characters are sympathetic and even deserving of forgiveness. Uncle Peck is not simply a pedophile. He is a mentor and teacher whose driving lessons give Li’l Bit the ability to realize her identity as an individual. Indeed, Peck gives her the strength, confidence, and power that will ultimately allow her to reject him. He gives her the power to bring about his ultimate destruction as well as the sense of kindness to forgive him.

Complicity and Controversy

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Vogel has said that the play illustrates how people may receive great love from those who harm them. What makes the play controversial for some is Vogel’s resistance to portraying Li’l Bit as a victim. Not only does Li’l Bit receive gifts from Peck along with the abuse; she at times encourages the sexual aspect of the relationship. She sets limits on her uncle’s inappropriate behavior, but there are moments when she seems to invite such behavior. Eventually, she even follows in Peck’s footsteps, seducing teenage boys. Vogel presents the characters in such a way that Li’l Bit’s complicity is understandable and even forgivable.

Growth and Maturation

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Ultimately the play is more about the idea of growth and maturation than the destructive force of abuse. Li’l Bit does eventually become reconciled to her past and finds the ability to forgive her family, Uncle Peck, and most important, herself.

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