Henry IV, Part II Act II
by William Shakespeare

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Act II, Scene 1


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SCENE I. London. A street.

[Enter Hostess, Fang and his Boy with her, and Snare following.]

Master Fang, have you entered the action?

It is entered.

Where 's your yeoman? Is 't a lusty yeoman? will 'a stand to 't?

Sirrah, where 's Snare?

O Lord, ay! good Master Snare.

Here, here.

Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.

Yea, good Master Snare; I have entered him and all.

It may chance cost some of our lives, for he will stab.

Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabbed me in mine own house,
and that most beastly: in good faith, he cares not what
mischief he does, if his weapon be out: he will foin like any
devil; he will spare neither man, woman, nor child.

If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.

No, nor I neither: I'll be at your elbow.

An I but fist him once; an 'a come but within my vice,--

I am undone by his going; I warrant you, he 's an
infinitive thing upon my score. Good Master Fang, hold him sure:
good Master Snare, let him not 'scape. A' comes continuantly to
Pie-corner--saving your manhoods--to buy a saddle; and he is
indited to dinner to the Lubber's-head in Lumbert Street, to
Master Smooth's the silkman: I pray ye, since my exion is
entered and my case so openly known to the world, let him be
brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a poor
lone woman to bear: and I have borne, and borne, and borne; and
have been fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed off, from this
day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no
honesty in such dealing; unless a woman should be made an ass and
a beast, to bear every knave's wrong. Yonder he comes; and that
arrant malmsey-nose knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices,
do your offices, Master Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me
your offices.

[Enter Falstaff, Page, and Bardolph.]

How now! whose mare's dead? what's the matter?

Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.

Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph: cut me off the villain's
head: throw the quean in the channel.

Throw me in the channel! I'll throw thee in the channel.
Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly rogue! Murder, murder! Ah,
thou honey-suckle villain! wilt thou kill God's officers and the
Ah, thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a honey-seed, a man-queller,
and a woman-queller.

Keep them off, Bardolph.

A rescue! a rescue!

Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wo't, wo't thou?
thou wo't, wo't ta? do, do, thou rogue! do, thou hemp-seed!

Away, you scullion! you rampallian! you fustilarian! I'll tickle
your catastrophe.

[Enter the Lord Chief-Justice, and his men.]

What is the matter? keep the peace here, ho!

Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you, stand to me.

How now, Sir John! what are you brawling here?
Doth this become your place, your time and business?
You should have been well on your way to York.
Stand from him, fellow: wherefore hang'st thou upon him?

O my most worshipful lord, an't please your grace, I am a
poor widow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.

For what sum?

It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all, all I have.
He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance
into that fat belly of his: but I will have some of it out again,
or I will ride thee o' nights like the mare.

I think I am as like to ride the mare, if I have any
vantage of ground to get up.

How comes this, Sir John? Fie! what man of good temper would
endure this tempest of exclamation? Are you not ashamed to enforce
a poor widow to so rough a course to come by her own?

What is the gross sum that I owe thee?

Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the money too.
Thou didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in
my Dolphin-chamber, at the round table, by a sea-coal fire, upon
Wednesday in Wheeson week, when the prince broke thy head for

(The entire section is 6,789 words.)