"My First Goose" is a vivid narrative that follows an unnamed narrator during the Russian Civil War of 1918, as he begins his role as a Propaganda Officer for a Cossack Division of the Red Army. Tasked with promoting Leninist ideals, the tale captures his struggle for acceptance, the moral boundaries he encounters, and the psychological transformation he undergoes during just an afternoon and evening. Against the backdrop of war, the narrator's journey delves into themes of identity, power dynamics, and the costs of assimilation.

First Impressions and Military Hierarchies

As the story opens, the narrator is introduced to Commander Savitsky, a figure of considerable authority within the division. Immediately striking is Savitsky's imposing presence, from his towering frame to his meticulous appearance and intoxicating cologne. While engaged in signing a critical order for enemy destruction, Savitsky's demeanor is both commanding and intimidating. His whip strikes the desk rhythmically as he questions the narrator about his educational background. Discovering the narrator's scholarly past, Savitsky dismissively labels him a "nasty little object," testing the young man's resolve. The narrator, undeterred, assures, "I'll get on all right." After this encounter, a quartermaster leads him to the Cossack quarters, where he clutches his trunk filled with books and papers.

A Rough Welcome

The narrator's arrival at the Cossack yard is anything but warm. Immediately, the Cossacks subject him to ridicule, serenading him with crude noises and unceremoniously discarding his belongings, including his prized papers, through the gate. Despite this harsh reception, the narrator remains composed and even finds himself admiring the very Cossack who mocked him, captivated by his "long straight flaxen hair" and "handsome face." Here lies a stark contrast: the narrator is Jewish, intellectually inclined, and physically unimposing, while the Cossacks embody the rugged, untamed spirit of the Russian soldier. Though he cannot fully align with them, he harbors a deep-seated envy and desire to be accepted within their ranks.

The Testing of Will

The story takes a pivotal turn when the narrator meets the landlady on whose grounds the troops are stationed. In a moment of unexpected assertiveness, he dismisses her pleas for help with a forceful shove, exclaiming, "Christ!" His actions escalate as he notices a goose nearby and crushes its skull beneath his boot, a brutal act accompanied by the goose's lifeless twitching in the dirt. The narrator repeats "Christ!" as he witnesses the Cossacks, who resemble "heathen priests at a sacrifice," deliberately avoid looking at the dead bird.

Acceptance and Inner Conflict

Through this act of violence, the narrator inadvertently gains the Cossacks' respect, circumventing the quartermaster's earlier, unsavory advice. The eldest Cossack acknowledges his newfound status, conceding that the narrator is "all right." By partaking in the shared meal of pork, a deviation from Jewish custom, the narrator sheds the markers of his previous identity—education and religion—and prepares to fulfill his duties. Reading Lenin's words from Pravda to the Cossacks, he finds common ground and a shared enthusiasm for the "straight line" of Leninist rhetoric. They sleep intertwined, the narrator's dreams filled with images of women, and a heart "stained with bloodshed." Despite having proven his worth, a lingering sense of melancholy pervades his reflections, mirroring the landlady's earlier despair.

The Weight of Transformation

Although the narrator has successfully integrated into the Cossack fold, his sense of triumph is tarnished by an unsettling mixture of guilt and self-loathing. His initial admiration for the military's camaraderie is overshadowed by the realization of his own moral compromise. The act of killing the goose, while it secured him a place among the soldiers, burdens him with a foreboding awareness that more violence lies ahead. In grappling with this new identity, he acknowledges the inevitable demands of his role and the internal conflict it breeds. The story closes with the narrator confronting the duality of his existence—both as a part of the Red Army and an individual at odds with his conscience.