KITELY
Whilst they, sir, to relieve him in the fable,
Make their loose comments upon every word,
Gesture, or look, I use; mock me all over,
From my flat cap unto my shining shoes;
And, out of their impetuous rioting phant'sies,
Beget some slander that shall dwell with me.
And what would that be, think you? marry, this:
They would give out, because my wife is fair,
Myself but lately married, and my sister
Here sojourning a virgin in my house,
That I am jealous!–nay, as sure as death,
That they would say: and how that I had quarelled
My brother purposely, thereby to find
An apt pretext to banish them my house.

In this passage from Ben Jonson's "Every Man in His Humour," Kitely articulates his paranoia about being ridiculed by his unruly lodger, Wellborn, and his companions. The phrase "as sure as death" underscores the inevitability with which Kitely expects them to slander him. He believes they will interpret his actions, influenced by the presence of his beautiful wife and her sister, as signs of jealousy. Kitely's anxiety reveals his insecurity and fear of social judgment, which is a central theme in the play. The humor here arises from the exaggeration of Kitely's suspicions, as well as the absurdity of the situation. Jonson uses Kitely's character to explore the follies of human behavior, emphasizing how easily individuals can become prisoners of their own fears and perceptions.