Day 6026

In the morning, A is relieved to be a normal-sized, ordinary-looking girl named Lisa Marshall. This feeling of relief bothers her a little: it means she is casting judgments about appearances the way other people do. A never cared about this kind of thing before.

Rhiannon sends an email saying she wants to meet because, as she says, “We need to talk.” The tone of this message worries A, who spends the school day quiet and uncommunicative. Afterward, she goes to the park to meet Rhiannon, who again recognizes A without being told.

In the conversation that follows, Rhiannon tells A that she cannot keep up a relationship in this way. “I just can’t love every person you are equally,” she says. “I want to—I want to be a person who can do that—but I can’t.” She goes on to say that she needs time to get over Justin, and she wants a relationship with someone who can meet her parents or hang out with her friends.

Hearing this, A wishes she could say, “I’ll change.” But that is not possible, so A shares her “deepest fantasy” instead. She wishes she and Rhiannon could move to New York City, where so many people live so close together that A’s mind would not travel so far between bodies every day. She says she and Rhiannon could have an apartment together and see each other all the time.

This fantasy makes Rhiannon cry. She understands immediately that it is impossible. There are too many ways it could go wrong—and A knows this too, deep down. Rhiannon says she would probably love A forever if A were “the same guy every day, if the inside were the outside.” But she cannot handle all the problems, and all she can do—for A’s sake—is hope that some other girl could.

As it is, Rhiannon says she wants to stay friends with A, but it cannot be her whole life. She needs time with her friends and family and school life too. She asks A to think this over for a few days and then get together again to talk it out some more. They part by saying they love each other—but they both know love is not enough.

A while later, A returns home to find Lisa’s mother cooking. Unable to stomach the idea of sitting with others tonight, A says she is sick and goes to bed. She reflects mournfully that this is her life—retreating alone to a room, never really connecting with others.