Could you provide suggestions to improve the following paragraphs from a movie review?

The other matters this episode introduces are facing emotions and relationship problems. The creators of “Moby Dick” episode exhibit the connection between gaining weight and emotional problems. Initially, due to Dick’s and Dr. Albright’s breakup, Dick started gaining weight as he has been “filling an emotional void with food”. This verifies that emotions do have a significant effect on one’s eating habits. This is also demonstrated in the episode where Tommy’s eating habits also change after he breaks up with August. He starts eating similarly to Dick to also deal with his relationship matter. Those issues make the show more enjoyable to watch as many viewers can relate.

Since the episode’s premise is about gaining weight and eating an enormous quantity of food, the episode reinforces and advertises various food products. Products like ‘Diet Cola’, chips and pizza were used by the actors during the show to entice folk to head to the store and buy them. This is an advantage for those companies as their products receive a chance to be advertised by actors whose many fans are watching their show.

Reword the topic sentence on paragraph 4:  "The other matters" sounds vague, and you could use a more effective transition word than 'other.'  You also use passive voice (are facing); rephrase the sentence to read something like : Moreover, the central characters of the show face..."

Sentence 3: Depending on your teacher's requirements for the assignment, you might need a citation following your quote. 

Sentence 4 and 5 both start with the pronoun 'this,' which is pretty vague, not to mention repetitive.  Reword both sentences to leave out 'this;' a good general rule of thumb is to avoid starting sentences with vague pronouns like: this, these, there, it.

Paragraph 5:  This paragraph needs a better topic sentence to tie it into your review.  You just had a paragraph about relatable themes, so how does product placement figure in.  Your topic sentence ties it into the whole food issue present in the food, but it still feels choppy.  Since this is a review, weigh in on how viewers might feel about the use of product placement in the show.  You mention that it is advantageous for the companies, but how will the average viewing audience respond?

Overall, both paragraphs were well written with few major grammatical errors.

How can I improve this essay discussing the "Moby Dick" episode's portrayal of weight gain as a response to emotional and relationship issues?

Another problem apparent in the episode is facing emotions and relationship issue. Creators of “Moby Dick” episode depict the connectivity of gaining weight and emotional problems. Firstly, due to Dick’s and Mr.Albright breakup, Dick started gaining weight as he has been “filling an emotional void with food”. This verifies that emotion do have a significant effects in one’s eating habits. This is also demonstrated in the episode where Tommy eating habits also change after he breaks up with August. He starts eating similarly to Dick to also deal with his relationship matter. Those issues make the show more enjoyable to watch as many people can relate. The main concept that the creator portrayed throughout this episode is that one of the most common reasons to weight gain is emotional and relationship issues.

I have moved your question due to the fact that it is asking for help regarding you writing.

The first problem I notice is the first sentence. You state that "another problem apparent in the episode is facing emotions and relationship issue." There are two issues with this sentence. First, you state "problem" (singular), but you name two different issues: facing emotions and relationship issue. Given you name two things, you need to change "problem" to be plural (problems) and fix the opening of the sentence (another) to support both problems you are bringing up in the paragraph.

Another problem with the sentence is that it lacks parallel structure. You need to have both emotions and issues as plural.

In the following sentence, I would change "connectivity of gaining weight and emotional problems" to the following: "connectivity of gaining weight to emotional problems."

Here, "This verifies that emotion do have a significant effects in one’s eating habits," you use the plural of "emotions" with "do." Instead, you need to add "the" before emotion and make "emotion" plural. Also, I would change "effects" to "effect" (singular).

When mentioning "Tommy eating habits," Tommy should be possessive (Tommy's).

The last three sentences of the paragraph are run-ons and need to be fixed; you can either break up the sentence by inserting periods and capitalizing the word following the punctuation, or you can insert commas between the dependant and independent clauses.

I like the first paragraph.  I think that there is much within it that is quite strong.  I would replace "Firstly" with "Initially."  The last sentence could stand to be worded in a manner that shows how both plots of the episode deal effectively with the issue of emotional difficulties and eating habits.  I think that there could be more offered here as opposed to a clear opinion being offered.  I tend to think that the second paragraph undermines or at the very least, diverges, from the focus of the first paragraph.  It seems to me that there has to be some level of thought as to what purpose the second paragraph is to serve.  If there is a desire to bring forth the idea that product placement and corporate sponsorship takes away from the intent of the episode, perhaps that can be worded in a different way.  I think that if the primary purpose of the first paragraph is to ensure that there is a connection in the episode between eating habits and emotional depression, there can be a further analysis offered in the second paragraph that the use of product placement is a commercial attempt to undermine the artistic sentiment of the episode.