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Student Question

Could you help improve the grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure of this biography for better flow?

From being a child with goals and ambitions that had led him along a path of journeys with new adventures throughout the way, [Removed for Internet security.]

Expert Answers

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First of all, look at the beginnings of your sentences.  Too many begin with simple words such as this, he , at, and then are followed by a simple sentence.  Learn the difference among the three:  simple, compound and complex.  Try the first sentence which really says nothing among all the words.  Rephrase.  "From being a child with goals and ambitions to becoming a man with dreams achieved and wisdom to share, Anmar Omar is a man who exemplifies the possibilities which exist in having goals and working towards them. Anmar Omar's biography explains how his curiosity led to learning skills in many fields which he now shares with the people around him."  Now, I'm not sure if that is what you really wanted to say, but I wanted to show you what you can do when you RE-WRITE or re-envision your paper.  Look for ways to combine sentences which seem repetitive and keep a straight path of time to help your reader follow you.  Good luck as you have great ideas!

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Please help with biography?Can you please help me proofread, check grammar, punctuation and spelling of the biography and make it flow with a more interesting, complex sentence structure. Later on, he then went to King Ghasi Middle school and then to King Faisal High School. [Removed for Internet security.].

Because of length constrictions, I cannot do as you ask with your paper.  However, I can help you write more complex sentences which still express your ideas and yet reduce the extra words.  For example, look at the number of your sentences which begin with the word 'he' or 'his'.  A complex sentence with its Independent clause can carry several Dependent clauses or even phrases in a simple sentence if you phrase them correctly.  To try this out, "He had only...."  "Developing an understanding of his woodworking skills, he entered many competitions, winning many prizes." The Independent clause is "he entered many competitions" while the rest is simply phrases which describe the information you put into simple or compound sentences.  I also find it hard to follow your ideas as you move back and forth instead of in a linear path which is easier for a reader.  You have him after high school, back at 15, visiting his mother as a young man, then as an adult answering a question about his childhood.  Please try to put this in a logical order so that your reader can follow you.

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