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What is the meaning behind Proctor's quote in Act 2 of The Crucible?
"I should have roared you down when first you told me your suspicion. But I wilted, and, like a Christian, I confessed. Confessed! Some dream I had must have mistaken you for God that day (55)."
Quick answer:
In Act 2 of The Crucible, Proctor's quote reflects his regret for confessing his adultery to his wife, Elizabeth. He laments not asserting his authority as a husband and feels humiliated by the judgment from his wife. This confession, which he equates to confessing before God, is a source of tension for him, especially considering the Puritan context. Proctor's reluctance to confess again, this time about Abigail's false witchcraft allegations, stems from the previous turmoil his confession caused.
Proctor begins in a rather self-pitying fashion by regretting his own kindness. He says that he should simply have asserted his authority as a husband in leonine fashion by "roaring down" the suspicions of his wife. He then adds that he "wilted," an interesting contrast of imagery. Instead of roaring like a lion, he wilted like a sick flower, cowering rather than dominating.
This image is reinforced by the repetition of the word "confessed." First, Proctor claims to have confessed "like a Christian." Then he seems to overhear himself and understand the dire implication of what he has just said. A Christian has a duty to confess his sins to God. Puritan theology is built upon the idea of the direct relationship between man and God, so a Puritan must confess directly to God, without an intermediary. To suggest that he confess to a pastor would be a Catholic...
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heresy. How much more blasphemous, then, to confess to his wife. The theological error is compounded by a simple wound to Proctor's masculine pride: he is humiliated at the notion of being judged and condemned by Elizabeth. Proctor means to show here that he has recovered his senses and will no longer treat Elizabeth with such exaggerated and emasculating respect.
This outburst shows Proctor at his least heroic and most petulant. We should consider, however, that the cold war between the Proctors has been going on for months. Miller leaves the actors playing the parts of John and Elizabeth considerable latitude as to how culpable or reasonable each party is, since so much depends on how the lines in the quarrel are delivered, particularly at the beginning of the act.
This quotation is a reminder that, despite John Proctor's heroic status in the play, he often displays less than heroic qualities, especially at times of extreme tension.
In the above excerpt, John is in a self-pitying mood, expressing deep regret that he confessed his adulterous liaison with Abigail Williams to his wife, Elizabeth. As a man in seventeenth-century Salem, John would've been well within his rights not to own up to his cheating. He could easily have shouted down his wife's suspicions and left it at that. But John was such a nice guy that he confessed all to Elizabeth as if he were confessing before God himself.
John's outburst, though pretty unedifying and self-serving, does at least have a purpose to it. He's trying to justify not coming forward and telling the authorities what Abigail said to him about the witchcraft allegations being completely false. As far as he's concerned, he's already done enough confessing for one lifetime, and he's not about to do any more. The last time he confessed—about his extra-marital affair with Abigail—he created more problems than he solved, so he's not about to make a similar mistake again.
The quote comes at a particularly intense exchange between husband and wife. Proctor and Elizabeth are at a challenged point in their relationship. Proctor's affair with Abigail has caused a deep wound to Elizabeth. Embarrassed by his own behavior and seeking to find some type of redress for it, Proctor recognizes his own choices have helped to cause such a situation. They both stay together, but there is heavy damage caused. Proctor fears he is being judged by Elizabeth, who is struggling with the demons of doubt in the midst of seeking to forgive. The emotional dynamic between them is taut and raw.
In the exchange where the quote is featured, this emotional dynamic takes center stage. Elizabeth is convinced that Proctor must tell the authorities about what Abigail told him regarding the fraudulent nature of the witchcraft accusations. Proctor says he needs to reflect and think about it. She interprets this as him still harboring feelings for Abigail and being dishonest to her. He interprets her insistence as trying to impose her moral values on him and a sense that she does not trust him to do the right thing.
Eventually, the miscommunication boils over into his outburst. Proctor's quote is powerful in expressing the discontent that often presents itself in marriage when couples are fighting. The idea that "I should have roared you down when first you told me your suspicion," refers to how he perceives himself as having been "too nice" and understanding to her. In his self- description of having "wilted," one senses how he feels he has been too understanding, "walking on eggshells" in his fear of her being unhappy. In ruing his confession, he tells her that he should have been more forceful with her, perhaps even concealing the relationship he had with Abigail. He ends with a fairly classic statement about how he mistook her for a divine force. Certainly, Proctor does not mean the inflamed rhetoric he says to Elizabeth. It is Miller's genius to be able to show how husbands and wives speak to one another when they are angry and intensely with one another while they love one another. The quote reflects this anger and a sense of hurt underneath it.