at the train station and takes her home, but Esther is not happy here either. The suburban life of her mother is suffocating, and the house feels too small. Esther plans to escape by attending a creative writing seminar at Harvard, but she is rejected. 

Being rejected is the final straw, and she spirals into depression. Now she finds herself unable to concentrate on writing her honors thesis. She decides to work on a novel instead, but her dark feelings and sadness make her slow, lazy, and apathetic. Esther’s apathy worries her mother, who suggests they see a psychiatrist.

They go to see Doctor Gordon, but he is exactly the wrong type of doctor for Esther. He patronizes her and is insensitive to her real feelings. He prescribes shock treatments, which scare Esther and sends her deeper into her dark hole of apathy and depression. She begins to think about suicide while simultaneously doing normal things, such as going on dates and volunteering at a local hospital. 

One rainy day, after visiting the grave of her father, she returns home, leaves a note that she is going for a walk, takes a bottle of sleeping pills and a glass of water, and goes to the basement. Hiding herself in a crawl space behind some firewood, she swallows the pills. She takes too many, causing her to vomit, which saves her life. Her mother is shocked and desperate and decides to send Esther to a state mental institution.

Philomena Guinea is Esther’s benefactress and pays for her education. She proposes that Esther be sent to a private hospital instead of the state instituition, and has offered to pay. 

At the new institution, Esther finally begins to improve. She has a femal doctor, Doctor Nolan, who is able to begin to gain Esther’s trust. Esther starts to learn more about what is acceptable for her, for example, she learns that it is all right to say that she hates her mother. She also learns that her need to be sexually active is normal. Doctor Nolan prescribes birth control. Under her new doctor’s compassionate care, and shock treatments, Esther starts to improve.

Esther learns that one of her college friends Joan Gilling, tried to kill herself ans is also at the hospital. Joan also dated Esther’s ex-boyfriend, Buddy Willard, bu she confides to Esther that she prefers women to men. At first, Esther is disgusted by the mention of homosexuality, but she works through it and continues to get closer to Joan. Eventually, Esther and Joan are allowed town and overnight privileges from the hospital. On one of these outings, Esther has her first sexual experience with a professor she meets. Esther’s experience is another fiasco, like all the others so far. She begins to hemorrhage. The professor, in a panic, takes her to the apartment where Joan is staying. Joan, upset, takes Esther to an emergency ward, and a doctor repairs the damage. The doctor said it was a “one in a million” chance that she would be injured in this way.

A few days later, Joan hangs herself. Doctor Nolan, worried that Joan’s suicide will throw Esther back into despair, assures her that no one is to blame, especially not Esther. A sign of Esther’s newly gained stability is that neither her sexual disaster with the professor, nor Joan’s suicide casts her into depression. 

Her ex, Buddy, then visits Esther at the sanatorium and tells her that she is no longer a suitable marriage prospect because of her mental issues. Esther is not disturbed or upset. In fact, his pompous and insensitive announcement frees her. It is another sign of her recovery that she responds in a healthy way to his announcement. Esther is finally feeling good and has the strength to face the panel of doctors who will decide if she can leave the mental institution. She knows that soon she will leave, and take control of her own life.