In chapter 2, entitled “Places We Go When We Compare,” Brown tackles comparison, admiration, reverence, envy, jealousy, resentment, schadenfreude, and freudenfreude.

While comparison is not an emotion, Brown maintains that it is nevertheless a phenomenon that governs our self-concept, well-being, and aspirations. Often done subconsciously, it is our attempt toward simultaneous conformity and competition. Both upward and downward social comparisons may lead to either positive or negative results. By and large, however, frequent comparison worsens our perceptions of the self. Brown notes that it is important to accept that comparison is something that happens to us—rather than something we choose to do. This awareness helps us control our emotional reactions to the comparisons we make.

Admiration is a form of social comparison which inspires us to be better versions of ourselves. Meanwhile, reverence is a deeper and more meaningful version of admiration, wherein one feels inspired to forge a connection or move closer to the object of reverence.

Brown groups envy and jealousy together, as the two are often conflated. She characterizes envy as the desire for something one lacks but that a certain individual or group possesses. Envy commonly involves comparisons in physical attraction, skill, and wealth. More often than not, Brown asserts, envy is a hostile and destructive emotion.

Jealousy, meanwhile, typically involves three parties: the individual, the object of their attention, and the outsider or rival that threatens the relationship. This emotion is often accompanied by a perceived lack of resources, such as attention or affection. While it is commonly associated with romantic relationships, jealousy also occurs in parent-child relationships, friendships, and work environments. Brown also explains that, even though jealousy is more socially accepted than envy, research has found it to be linked with alcoholism and certain types of interpersonal violence (such as sexual coercion and physical assault). In regulated amounts, however, jealousy can be a healthy expression of one’s attachment.

Ultimately, a nuanced understanding of both envy and jealousy can lead us to ask the right questions and engage in productive self-reflection.

Resentment, Brown argues, is not a form of anger, but of envy. It often follows feelings of physical or emotional exhaustion and stems from envy and bitterness toward perceived unfairness. Our failure to set boundaries or manage our expectations of others, Brown puts forward, leads to feelings of resentment.

Schadenfreude, which Brown asserts is a counter-emphatic emotion, is a feeling of joy derived from the suffering or misfortune of others. While it is often mistaken for our sense of justice, Brown argues that it is important to differentiate schadenfreude from empathy for the aggrieved or victimized. To feel schadenfreude is not the same as holding a perpetrator accountable for their wrongdoing. As a trait, schadenfreude is entwined with narcissism, aggression, and anger. It is also borne out of fear and feelings of powerlessness.

Freudenfreude can be considered the absolute opposite of schadenfreude, as it is shared joy in the success of others. Brown introduces two specific behaviors that cultivate freudenfreude—shoy and bragitude. While shoy is showing active interest by asking personal questions, bragitude is expressing gratitude toward someone for sharing good news. Brown ends the section by explaining that cultivating freudenfreude often leads to meaningful interpersonal connections.