Arsenic and Old Lace

by Joseph Kesselring

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Act 1Arsenic and Old Lace takes place entirely in the Brewster home in Brooklyn, New York, in 1941. As the play opens, Abby Brewster, a sweet, elderly woman is pouring tea for her nephew Teddy and Dr. Harper, a local minister. All note how peaceful the house is, far removed from the war in Europe. They discuss their nephew Mortimer, a theater critic, and his relationship with the minister’s daughter Elaine.

Two neighborhood policemen, Brophy and Klein, arrive to pick up toys for the local Christmas fund. Teddy asks them what news they have brought him. After saluting him, Brophy responds, ‘‘Colonel, we have nothing to report.’’ We later learn that Teddy thinks that he is Teddy Roosevelt, a delusion that family and friends accept. As Teddy draws an imaginary sword, yells ‘‘charge’’ and bounds up the stairs, the others pay no attention. The men discuss how charitable Abby and her sister Martha are. Brophy admonishes Teddy after he blows a bugle call, noting that he used to do that in the middle of the night. The officers discuss the Brewster family’s history of mental illness.

Martha arrives and helps Abby gather the toys for the officers, who soon depart. Dr. Harper asks the sisters to make sure that Teddy signs admittance papers to Happy Dale Sanitarium, where he will go after their death. After the reverend leaves, Abby tells a delighted Teddy that he needs to go to Panama and dig another lock for the canal. Martha is also elated by the news, but at this point, the audience is not given the details of the situation.

Elaine arrives looking for Mortimer, who soon appears. They discuss the play they will be seeing that night and casually flirt with each other. Their talk turns more serious as they discuss getting married, and Mortimer insists that they should not wait more than a month. Elaine promises to talk it over with her father and to set a date. After warmly greeting Teddy, Mortimer informs Elaine that he has a brother Jonathan about whom the family does not like to talk.

After Elaine leaves, Mortimer tells his aunts about his marriage plans, which elates them. As he searches for a chapter of a book that he is writing, Mortimer looks in the window seat and finds a dead body. He immediately assumes that Teddy has committed the crime and so tells the aunts that they must send him to Happy Dale at once. When Mortimer gently breaks the news of the body to his aunts, they insist he should ‘‘just forget about it,’’ and later explain that the man drank poisoned wine that Abby had given him. The aunts are quite nonchalant about the incident as Mortimer’s agitation increases. They try unsuccessfully to reassure him with their explanation that they will bury the body in the cellar with the eleven others they also poisoned. All were lonely old men who came to their home looking for lodging. Taking pity on them, the aunts decided to help each of them find peace.

Elaine soon returns excited about the wedding plans, but Mortimer tells her that something has come up and she should go home and wait for him. She leaves, confused and angry at Mortimer’s peculiar behavior. When an elderly man, Mr. Gibbs, rings the bell looking for lodging, the two aunts quiz him on his background and present situation. As they prepare the wine for Mr. Gibbs, Mortimer, pours himself a glass while talking on the phone to his editor. When he realizes that the wine is poisoned, he screams,...

(This entire section contains 1868 words.)

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which causes Mr. Gibbs to run out of the house. The sisters are crestfallen. Before Mortimer rushes out to review a play, he makes the aunts promise not to do anything until he gets back, including burying the body. They agree, but have no clue as to why Mortimer is acting so strangely.

After Mortimer leaves, Jonathan arrives with Dr. Einstein. When the aunts do not recognize their nephew, he explains that Dr. Einstein has surgically altered his face. After Jonathan proves his identity, he tells them that he has come from Chicago where he and the doctor were in business. As the two obviously agitated aunts retreat into the kitchen, Einstein asks Jonathan what they should do, noting that the police are after them for murder and that they have a dead body in the car. Jonathan admits that he killed Mr. Spenalzo because the man said he looked like Boris Karloff after Einstein’s surgery.

When the aunts return, they tell Jonathan that he must leave, reminding him that he was never happy in the house. Jonathan, however, convinces them to allow the two to stay for dinner. When Jonathan discovers that his grandfather’s laboratory is still upstairs, he determines that the house will provide a perfect operating room for Einstein to work on his face as well as those of other criminals who need disguises. Jonathan assures Einstein that the aunts will not be able to prevent them from staying. The act closes when the two men are startled by Teddy’s bugle blast and charge up the stairs.

Act 2
After dinner, the aunts renew their efforts to get Jonathan to leave, but he warns them how ‘‘disagreeable’’ he had been as a child and that ‘‘it wouldn’t be pleasant for any of [them]’’ if they tried to prevent him from staying. He informs the aunts of his plans for his grandfather’s laboratory, which they immediately reject. They do agree, however, to let him stay for the night. During this conversation, Einstein has gone with Teddy down into the basement to ‘‘inspect the locks in Panama.’’ When he comes back up stairs, Einstein informs Jonathan that he has found a place to bury Mr. Spenalzo, explaining that Teddy has dug a hole in the basement.

While Jonathan and Einstein move their car to the back of the house, the aunts decide they will bury Mr. Hoskins, who is still in the window seat, as soon as the two men have gone to bed. When the house is quiet, Teddy brings the body down into the basement. Soon after, Jonathan and Einstein bring in Mr. Spenalzo’s body and put it in the window seat when they hear Elaine knocking at the door. She assumes the two are robbers until Jonathan informs her of his identity. Thinking that she saw the two bring in the dead body, Jonathan forces her into the cellar. Her screams bring down the aunts, who are dressed for Mr. Hoskins’s funeral.

Elaine escapes just as Mortimer arrives. Jonathan and Mortimer quarrel until the aunts insist that they all settle down for the evening. Later when Elaine demands to know what is going on in the house, Mortimer informs her that they cannot marry because insanity runs in his family. When he looks in the window seat and sees Mr. Spenalzo’s body instead of Mr. Hoskins’s, he talks Elaine into going home.

The aunts are quite confused about the identity of the new body in the window seat. When Mortimer realizes that the body is connected with Jonathan, he tries to blackmail his brother into leaving. Jonathan refuses to leave and threatens Mortimer with the same fate as that of Mr. Spenalzo. At that moment Officer O’Hara arrives, concerned about the lights on so late at night. Mortimer, happy to see the officer, convinces him to stay until Jonathan leaves. O’Hara is pleased to do so since this will give him the opportunity to discuss the play he has been writing.

When Jonathan discovers Mr. Hoskins’s body in the cellar and threatens to tell O’Hara, Mortimer convinces the officer that he will meet him later to discuss the play. The aunts admit to Jonathan that they have twelve bodies in the basement. The news hurts Jonathan’s pride as Einstein points out that the aunts have murdered the same number of men as Jonathan has. As a result, Jonathan determines that he will kill Mortimer and so tip the scale in his favor.

Act 3
Later that night, as Jonathan and Einstein are burying Mr. Spenalzo with Mr. Hoskins in the cellar, Mortimer arrives with a doctor’s signature on Teddy’s commitment papers. He explains to the aunts that he can protect them only if he lets Teddy take the blame for the murders. They threaten to go to the police if Mortimer does not find a way to get rid of Jonathan in the morning.

Jonathan tells Einstein to get his medical instruments as he plans Mortimer’s slow, painful death. After they bind and gag Mortimer, they pour two glasses of poisoned wine. Just as they are about to drink, Teddy blasts his bugle, and they drop the glasses, spilling the wine. As he is passing the house, Officer O’Hara hears the blast and comes in to complain. Einstein explains that Mortimer is tied up because he was demonstrating what happened in a play he saw that evening. O’Hara decides not to untie Mortimer so that he will be forced to listen to the officer’s summary of his play.

By morning, O’Hara is coming to the end of his summary when Brophy and Klein arrive, looking for him. They announce that their lieutenant is determined to send Teddy away to Happy Dale because of all the complaints he is getting about the bugle blast in the middle of the night. Jonathan wakes up, sees the officers, and mistakenly thinks he has been caught. When Klein mentions that he looks like Boris Karloff, Jonathan goes for his throat but is knocked unconscious by Brophy. Lieutenant Rooney then arrives and recognizes Jonathan as a wanted criminal and an escapee from an insane asylum. None of the officers believe Jonathan when he insists that thirteen bodies are buried in the basement.

Soon after Mortimer tells the Lieutenant that he has Teddy’s commitment papers, Elaine and Mr. Witherspoon, the superintendent of Happy Dale, arrive. Mortimer tells Elaine to ‘‘run along home’’ until he calls her, but she refuses to leave. Teddy agrees to go with Witherspoon, who he thinks will be his guide on an expedition to Africa. When the aunts insist that if Teddy goes to Happy Dale, they must go too, Mortimer agrees as does the lieutenant after they begin to talk about bodies in the cellar.

After the aunts’ commitment papers are signed, they express concern over the validity of the signatures. They decide to tell Mortimer the truth—that he is not a Brewster. They explain that his mother was their cook and that he was born out of wedlock. Mortimer and Elaine are delighted at the news and leave for her house to get breakfast. The officers arrest Einstein and Jonathan, who is content that the aunts will not be able to best his murder record. After they depart, the aunts quiz Mr. Witherspoon about his background and learn that he has no family. The play ends with them inviting him to breakfast and to sample a glass of their elderberry wine.