Appointment in Samarra describes in great depth the private lives of several married couples: the Englishes, the Flieglers, and the Charneys. For the Englishes, tenderness, passion, laughter, sadness, and anger are emotions associated with love and experienced by Caroline and Julian at one moment or another. Whether their love is real enough to overcome the difficulties presented by Julian’s downward spiral is a key question that the book poses. Julian’s love for Caroline seems unquestionable: “After four years she was still the only woman he wanted to wake up with, to lie glowing with—yes, and even to have intercourse with.” And yet this love becomes elusive as Julian breaks her trust multiple times. The mutual expectations of Julian and Caroline are inextricably linked to the fulfillment of certain roles within their social circle. Thus, the health of their marriage is more dependent on their relationships to the people around them than on their relationship to each other. We find hints of Caroline’s love for Julian at the end of the story—when it’s too late to change his destiny. But even these hints are attached to social norms and a fear of what people will say:

They would say he was drunk, but he wasn’t drunk. Yes he was. He was drunk, but he was Julian, drunk or not, and that was more than anyone else was. That was what everyone else was not.

Parental love is also elusive. When Caroline and Julian go to his parents’ house for dinner after the incident with Harry, Julian’s only concern is whether they—his father in particular—have already found out. The young and the old couple exchange pleasantries, but the tension and emotional divide is palpable in Dr. English’s comments about Julian’s drinking habits and in Mrs. English’s disapproval of her son’s physical appearance. We learn through the backstories of Julian’s grandfather and of Julian’s childhood that Dr. English is afraid that his son inherited his grandfather’s weaknesses. The suicide of Julian’s grandfather looms tragically over the family, leading his grandson in the direction of a foretold tragedy. Ultimately, love in all its forms becomes elusive in a social system that is unable to satisfy people’s needs.