Dicaeopolis, waiting for the assembly to convene, sits musing, making figures in the dust, pulling out his loose hairs, and longing for peace. He is fully prepared to harass and abuse the speakers if they talk of anything but peace with Sparta. Immediately after the citizens gather, his friend Amphitheus begins to complain of hunger because of the wartime diet. He is saved from arrest only by the intervention of Dicaeopolis.
The assembly then listens to a series of fantastic claims made by the pompous ambassadors to Athens’s allies, each speech punctuated by a scoffing aside from Dicaeopolis, who knows full well that the entire alliance is wasting away from the effects of the Peloponnesian War. The high point of absurdity is reached when the last of the ambassadors ushers in a few scraggly, miserably dressed troops, introducing them as a Thracian host sent to assist in the war. Dicaeopolis, knowing of the assembly’s willingness to adjourn upon the slightest provocation, then brings about the end of the session by claiming to have felt a drop of rain.
Finding himself unable to bring about the end of the war, Dicaeopolis determines to effect a personal, separate peace. Amphitheus, his own ambassador, returns from the enemy with three bottles of wine—the first five years old, the second ten years old, and the third thirty years old. The first two taste vile, but the last is rich with a bouquet of nectar and ambrosia. Drinking it down, Dicaeopolis personally accepts and ratifies a thirty-year peace. The Acharnians, whose vineyards were ravaged by the enemy, having got wind of this traitorous act, arrive in pursuit of Amphitheus just as Dicaeopolis is leaving his house to offer up a ritual prayer to Bacchus in thanks for the peace that allows him to resume once more a normal existence with his wife. Upon hearing his prayer, the Acharnians begin to stone him as he tries in vain to persuade them that peace is good. Threatened with further violence, Dicaeopolis seizes a covered basket of coals and announces that it is an Acharnian child, a hostage, which he will disembowel...
(The entire section is 856 words.)