Aomame

Every night, Aomame sits on the balcony of her apartment watching the playground below, hoping that Tengo will return and look up at the moon again. This has been her routine for weeks, ever since the day she nearly committed suicide on the Metropolitan Expressway Number 3. She put the barrel of her revolver in her mouth, thinking that she might as well end her life since she was doomed to die anyway. However, just as she began to pull the trigger, she heard a voice calling to her from far away. It seemed to be saying her name, and it gave her a feeling of warmth and hope. She took the gun out of her mouth, put on the safety, and went back to her taxi to catch a ride back to the city. She still believes that she is going to die as a result of her bargain with Leader—but first she wants to live through whatever happens next.

When Tamaru called Aomame the day after she almost committed suicide, she said that she wanted to stay put in the little apartment. He seemed inclined to say no. The apartment was never meant to become a long-term hideout. When she insisted, he promised to discuss it with the dowager. Later he called back and granted permission for Aomame to stay until the end of the year. He made her promise never to leave home for any reason. They discussed her needs and made a plan for weekly resupply trips. Shortly after this conversation, two people came to the apartment to bring supplies. As previously agreed with Tamaru, Aomame did not speak to them. She hid in a back room while the strangers unloaded groceries, emptied her garbage, and delivered items such as exercise equipment, clothing, and reading material.

Tamaru is clearly worried about Aomame living in total isolation. During a phone call, he tells her that nobody—not even a mentally strong person like Aomame—can withstand the strain of this type of existence forever. He feels that people’s nerves get tested by loneliness, and many people are never the same again after a long period of solitude. Aomame promises that she will be careful, but she also says that she thinks she will be okay. “I’m all alone, but I’m not lonely,” she explains.

Now Aomame’s days follow a regular pattern. Every day she works out with a stationary bike and weights, and she performs her usual stretching routine. She reads from Proust’s seven-volume novel In Search of Lost Time, which Tamaru claims nobody ever finishes unless they spend a long period in prison or in hiding. Most importantly, Aomame spends her evenings waiting for Tengo to return to the playground. She watches the two moons and, every now and then, whispers into the night: “Where are you?”