Would you please judge this poem? Is it very very bad or middle? Do you encourage me? Bye the way my first language is Persia.I am an English student, I study literature, I am interested in poetry...

Would you please judge this poem? Is it very very bad or middle? Do you encourage me? Bye the way my first language is Persia.

I am an English student, I study literature, I am interested in poetry and writing poems, a friend of mine told me just pick up your pen and write down your thoughts and you will be successful, I did so , and it is my first effort,

my heart is alone

as a red rose with thorn

seeking true love though

wondering if could find its own ...

Expert Answers
Lori Steinbach eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I love to see people, and particularly young people, try to capture their thoughts on paper, in whatever form.  Poetry is so personal, and I always feel honored that someone would be willing to share it with the world because there's so much risk involved--you just don't know what others will say about something you've worked hard to create.  So, thank you for taking this risk and sharing with us. I appreciate so much the imagery of your work.  Getting an image to represent what you want it to in your first language is difficult enough; doing it in a second language is quite commendable. 

Poetry is often a matter of personal taste, remember, so others might appreciate it more or less than I.  Your use of a rose with thorns is a classic literary image for love, beauty, and purity.  Here, it clearly symbolizes the loneliness of your (or the speaker's) heart.  What I'm wondering is whether a rose with a thorn necessarily says "alone" to me.  All roses have thorns; does that mean all roses symbolize lovelessness and alone-ness?  Perhaps, but I think not, as we traditionally give roses as symbols of love.  I do like the next image much better--a rose with a thorn seeking true love and wondering if it will find "its own."  I think what would satisfy me more here is a metaphor rather than a simile:

my heart is alone

a red rose with [a?] thorn

I'm also one who appreciates punctuation to help guide me a bit through the author's intent.  If you want me to pause, place a comma; longer breaks will take weightier punctuation.  An ellipsis is effective for a kind of pensive, pondering mood; however, if it's the end of a sentence you need to add a period (ellipsis is always three periods, plus one to end the sentence).

All that being said, I love the image you've created; you've captured the wistfulness of being alone and looking for the love of someone like you (or the speaker).  I would encourage you to keep writing, by all means, and remember the only audience you absolutely have to please is yourself.  I'll be anxious to see what others may think about your work.  Excellent first effort!

Lori Steinbach eNotes educator| Certified Educator

The beauty of poetry is that you can do what you want.  That being said, you want to make the poem as understandable as possible for your readers so they'll be able to appreciate what you're trying to say.  A four-line poem is fine, with no specific rules to follow.  You may make your lines as long or as short as you wish; however, you want to be sure there's a good reason for doing so.  For example, if you're writing a line which talks about being depressed and lonely and sad, it's likely to be longer than a line about being angry--which might be short and abrupt.  The key to poetry is to blend sound (the words, the phrases, the length of lines) and sense (the images, the meaning).  Here's what I mean.  If I'm excited and enthusiastic about a drive I'm taking, I might say:

I jumped into the car and hustled through the traffic.

Note the line moves quickly, matching the words "jumped" and "hustled."

If I'm dreading the trip, it might sound like this:

I wove my weary way through the snarled and complaining traffic.

Notice the words take longer to say, and the longer line depicts the dread and distaste for this drive. 

I'm not sure if that helps, but it should give you a little more with which to work. 



ask996 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

It takes a brave person to share their personal writing. If you are just starting out, I would recommend that you check out a resource written by Sandford (Sandy Lyle). His process is called poem sketching, and it guides writers through a very specific process for arriving at some very neat poetry. I use this process with my kids in class, and many who thought they could never write poetry end up writing quality poems of which they are very proud.

lmetcalf eNotes educator| Certified Educator

To answer the questions you posted in #4:  there are no rules when in comes to free verse poetry.  Your line lengths can vary.  You can use rhyme, or not.  You can have 1 sentence or more.  The key to a good poem is having something "true" to say, and then saying it in a way that reflects your creativity and is clear to the reader. 

epollock | Student

I would say that it is a very good beginning. It sounds like you put a lot of work into it, though, brief, and it has some wonderful qualities like rhyme, rhythm, and tone. I would add punctuation to make it more definitive. Without punctuation, it might appear simply to be random thoughts and random words written down to claim a poem.

wine-seller | Student

how should i write 4 lines poem, are there any rules i have to follow? what about the line size, are there any limitation? can one line be very short since the other one is long ?

dafe | Student

it is wonderful poem not bad ... it's ur starting keep going forward & i am sure u will be a great poet & don't stop writing until u got ur destination.& it is glad to know that ur first language is persia & u have done good job really i like ur poem.