Would you please judge or correct this poem. What is the style?Hello, I am an English student, and interested in English language, I am trying to do my best to write poem, I am beginner. Would you...

Would you please judge or correct this poem. What is the style?

Hello, I am an English student, and interested in English language, I am trying to do my best to write poem, I am beginner. Would you please judge or correct this poem. What is the style? Can we call it couplet ?

 

Come to me and take me away,

Away from me and stay,

Stay with me all the night,

Till morning when the earth says hey.

 

thank you very much

1 Answer | Add Yours

cldbentley's profile pic

cldbentley | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Associate Educator

Posted on

You have a good beginning in what you have already written, which is a couplet, since a couplet is a pair of rhyming lines that usually have the same general length and meter.  In my opinion, there are a few things you might consider when reviewing what you have already created. 

First, you seem to contradict yourself in the first and second lives, since you instruct a certain someone to "come to" you in line one, but use the words "away from me" and "stay" in the second line.  If you are really requesting this person to remain with you, you may need to reword the beginning of the second line.  This will prevent a little bit of confusion.

In addition, the first three lines of your couplet are written using a somewhat formal voice, which is works well.  This voice is consistent throughout the poem until the very last word, "hey."  I believe that that one word takes a great deal away from the feeling you are trying to convey in your writing.  Please consider replacing the slang term with a more formal expression or word.

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