Did Jefferson care about who deleted passages of the draft related to the Declaration of Independence?
Yes, Jefferson was very sensitive about his work. He worked for 17 days, alone in his hotel room, writing a comprehensive document. Jefferson did, however, have a great respect for both Adams and Franklin. He was convinced to write the document by Adams, who was originally chosen to do the writing.
Adams pushed Jefferson into writing the Declaration of Independence, later, many years later, he had second thoughts about handing Jefferson so much fame. He realized that the day of the signing, which he believed would be celebrated on July 2, would ring throughout all of history, as a day of great joy. He was right, except for the day.
The Declaration of Independence was physically written by Thomas Jefferson, but he was only one member of a committee responsible for creating the document. The other members of the committee were Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Roger Sherman and Robert Livingston.
Jefferson produced a first draft of the famous document by himself. It was then presented to Benjamin Franklin and John Adams who were the first editors to see the document. After Adams and Franklin's changes were made, it was presented to the other members of the committee.
After much discussion and 26 changes made by the committee, the completed document was presented to Congress.
See Jefferson's rough drafts at the link below. It will show what was altered and by whom (the committee members, including John Adams and Benjamin Franklin, for the Declaration made several changes to the document before the final draft was given to the rest of the Congress.) The most notable item deleted by Congress after its initial presentation was the reference to the slave trade and the supposed insurrection the king was attempting through slaves in the colonies.