Also I need some help in the first paragraph below:
In an ideal society, there is always a feeling of restrain to the extent of expression both physical and verbal. The society can be identified as the source of norms that come with restrictions. The society conventionally forms our surrounding in the context of extent of expression. Our expressions have ins pun (insert punctuation) in most cases ins pun/wordy been subjected to conformity to facets that under the confines of harmonious society and a breach of the same is subjected to criticism, rebuke or conflict in the society awk/ unclear. Therefore, the surrounding; identifiable inevitability of interaction and allegiance is fundamental of norms that conceive restriction. This paper seeks to evaluate the story of an hour and asses the conceptualization that the surrounding defines restriction that aligns the extent of freedom as expressed in this story.
The American heritage dictionary defines freedom as the condition of being free of restraints. This translates freedom as overcoming restraints or absent of restraints. From this definition restriction is a core to the existence of freedom. Restrain has no shape or form whatsoever (Osho, 24).In the context of the story of an hour, Mrs. Mallard lives in the 1800’s when a woman experienced restriction and limited freedom.
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Chopin's own original title for the story was "The Dream of an Hour." This is an effective title in some respects, because it suggests that Louise's hopes for the future, while appealing to her, may not last. The word "dream" can also connote an unrealistic fantasy, and some critics (such as Lawrence Berkove) do see Louise as a woman not entirely in touch with reality. Chopin may have changed the title of the story because perhaps it gave too much away. Perhaps it implied, from the beginning, that Louise's "dream" would prove ephemeral. The abrupt irony of the story's ending would therefore be less effective. The title "The Story of an Hour" is neutral and objective; it gives nothing away. It implies a simple narrative whose outcome is unknown. For these reasons, Chopin seems to have been wise to change the title.
Others have already commented helpfully on your writing. Here is some additional feedback (highlighted in bold):
In an ideal society, there is always a feeling of restrain [wrong word] to the extent of expression [can you clarify this?] both physical and verbal. The [no need for "The] society can be identified as the source of norms that come with restrictions. [can you think of a way to change "norms that come with restrictions" to just two words by making "restrictions" an adjective?] The society conventionally forms our surrounding in the context of extent of expression. [This is not very clear; can you say this more simply? Perhaps try to explain to a friend what you mean and say it simply and clearly enough so that your friend understands your meaning. Then write down what you actually said and work from that.] Our expressions have ins pun (insert punctuation) in most cases ins pun/wordy been subjected to conformity to facets that under the confines of harmonious society and a breach of the same is subjected to criticism, rebuke or conflict in the society awk/ unclear. [Try the same method just suggested with this sentence as well. In general, try to avoid long sentences, complicated phrasing, and uncommon language. Imagine how you would express this idea in speech to a good friend] Therefore, the surrounding; identifiable inevitability of interaction and allegiance is fundamental of norms that conceive restriction. This paper seeks to evaluate the story of an hour [problem with punctuation here] and asses [problem with spelling here] the conceptualization [here's a good example of using a long, unusual word when a simpler word would be better] that the surrounding defines restriction that aligns the extent of freedom as expressed in this story. [It might be a good idea to buy or download a copy of a famous book called The Elements of Style, by Strunk and White. You can easily find it on Amazon or on google; copies are extremely cheap when purchased and are free when downloaded. Good luck to you!]
I have a few suggestions for titles. You could try 'Heartbreak' as this is the experience Louise has, although more to do with her husband's return rather than his loss. 'The Journey' could reflect Mr Mallard's survival and Louise's journey of realisation of the meaning of marriage. Other possibilities could be 'The Train' - literal and train of thought and Living...Death' - Mrs Mallard's marriage and a questioning of when she is 'alive' in the story.
I really like some of the ideas above, but my favourite is in #3 because it seems to capture the terrific irony of the situation - she has found her life through the death of her husband, and having found it can only die when she discovers that she has lost it. Any title in my opinion would need to capture some of that central irony in the story - it is such a wonderful story capturing theh position of women in a very specific time and period of history. Let us know which one you finally go for!
You've gotten some really terrific title suggestions so far. I might think about something to do with the train--Mr. Mallard missing it, its arrival with Mr. Mallard on it, the wreck Mr. Mallard did not have. How about something with "joy" or "heart" in it. Lots of possibilities with these words, though I prefer some listed above.
I agree with my colleagues who say simplify and focus. Truly, at the core, you're discussing the societal restraints (lack of freedoms) placed on a woman in this era and the consequences of such restraints. Keep it simple and go from there.
Best of luck!
The desire for a new title might be something where the choice will have to be made to go conventional or enter a realm that contains a bit of a sardonic tone. For example, the title "Love and Marriage" could be something to be seen in both domains. Taken directly, it could mean much in way of describing Louise, as one who realizes that there is a tension or conflict between love of self and the institution of marriage that takes from this self love. Taken sardonically, it is a play off of the old song that extols the virtues of marriage. In this light, determining a new title with so much hindsight as a part of this process might involve making a conscious choice on that end as to proceed with a direct approach or one that plays with wit a bit. I think that the opening paragraph might need some connection between how Louise fits the definition of "restraint" offered as well as some of the analysis as to how restraint is a part of the social order. Also, I think stressing that restraint for women is a significantly different ordeal than that of men. For instance, Mr. Mallard does not die of the "joy that kills."
You have a couple of great choices of titles already provided, but you could emphasize the focus of your essay playing with Louise's vision of freedom and her eternal tie to what it offers: Fettered Freedom. Whenever I'm stuck for a title, I think about the basic subject of my writing, and then opt for something alliterative. An ironic title, such as this, is suitable for this story's plot.
As far as clarity of your ideas, I must suggest simplifying your message. You have already been given some strong suggestions for punctuation and spelling, both which will make your ideas clearer to your audience. Something that will easily assist you in revising your sentences and adding clarity is to rewrite omitting the following two words: "that" and "of". Not only does the overuse of these words cloud your ideas, but their usage leads to run-on sentences. Since you do have a couple of awkward sentences, if you were to rewrite these without falling on the crutch of these two words your ideas will become instantly stronger.
It is difficult to improve on the suggestion of a title that is already given, but, perhaps, a play upon the name of the main character will serve: "The Wings of Mrs. Mallard" since she looks out the window believing she can now "fly," but, in her attempt at flight, she is assaulted by that final blow of fate.
As a suggestion for your first paragraph, you may wish to be more concise. What about something like this:
- In the contract of a society, those who form this community agree to certain restrictions in the interest of order or harmony. A breach of these restrictions subjects the perpetrator to criticism, rebuke, or conflict. In Victorian society, the setting of Chopin's "The Story of an Hour, women were especially restricted. [Explain how here]This restraint of Victorian society is pivotal to the experiences of Mrs. Mallard in Chopin's story....
First, let me answer your question concerning an alternate title. To only slightly paraphrase Ernest Hemingway's short story title, "The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber," how about changing it to "The Short Happy Life of Louise Mallard." Hemingway's story is similar in that the title character is given a short but new lease on life shortly before he dies. The same can be said of Louise.
As for the punctuation corrections:
- The word is "restraint."
- You need commas after the words "have" and "cases."
- As for your awkward sentence, I would leave out the phrase "and a breach of the same," and "in the society" (at the end--it's redundant) and then possibly give a specific example or two. See corrected sentence below.
Our expressions have, in most cases, been subjected to conformity to facets that under the confines of harmonious society is subjected to criticism, rebuke or conflict.
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