what transitional expression was added to the last sentence? please help me and no b.s =) THANK YOUFirst Draft I have always loved to perform. My parents tell me that when I was only three years...

what transitional expression was added to the last sentence?

please help me and no b.s =)

THANK YOU

First Draft
I have always loved to perform. My parents tell me that when I was only three years old, I would put on a show for anyone. When I was in the fifth grade, I had a part in the school Christmas pagent. I really enjoyed the applause my little song received. In my sophomore year in high school I got a part in the spring revue. I performed in it and also helped write it.The audience seemed to love it. I knew that entertaining people was what I wanted to do.

Revision
I have always loved to perform. My parents tell me that when I was only three years old, I would entertain anyone who would listen. When I was in the fifth grade, I had a part in the school Christmas pageant. I really enjoyed the applause my little performance received. Even more, I loved the laughter that came from the audience. In my sophomore year in high school I got a part in the spring revue. I not only performed in it, but also helped write what I hoped would be a funny skit. The waves of laughter from the audience told me that both the skit and I were, indeed, funny. It was then that I knew that making people laugh was what I wanted to do.

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StephanieRR's profile pic

StephanieRR | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

The transitional expression in this case is, "Even more." Up to this point, the person has been talking about performance in general. After the sentence, "Even more, I loved the laughter that came from the audience," the focus of the paragraph shifts to the more specific aspects of the person's performance, i.e. humor. Words of addition are transitional expressions, so phrases like even more, also, and, as well, furthermore, etc. all can serve as such. "Even more" in this case takes the already stated idea that the person enjoyed having an audience and provides the additional information that the main thing about having an audience that (s)he enjoyed was the audience's laughter, which then ties it into the next part about the humorous skit (s)he performed.

pammyteacher-rocks's profile pic

pammyteacher-rocks | Elementary School Teacher | (Level 1) Honors

Posted on

I'm pretty sure it's the part that doesn't flow as well- "it was then that I knew that".  I went to a website and have included the address for a reference for you.  I hope this helps:)

How does this sound? "This was the defining moment when I  realized a career in entertainment was definitely in my future."

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