Bud lives by a set of rules he has composed titled "Rules and Things for a Funner Life and Making a Better Liar Out of Yourself." Some of these rules were adapted from bits of wisdom his mother passed down to him and some are his own thoughts.
These rules could be categorized into those that help Bud survive and those that help Bud thrive.
Five rules that help Bud survive are:
#3 If you got to tell a lie, make sure it’s simple and easy to remember.
#16 If a grown-up ever starts a sentence by saying “Haven’t you heard,” get ready, ’cause what’s about to come out of their mouth is gonna drop you head first into boiling tragedy.
#29 When you wake up and don’t know for sure where you are at and there’s a bunch of people standing around you, it’s best to pretend you’re still asleep until you can figure out what’s going on and what you should do.
#8 Whenever an adult tells you to listen carefully and talks to you in a real calm voice do not listen, run as fast as you can because something terrible is just around the corner.
#63 Never, ever say something bad about someone you don’t know—especially when you’re around a bunch of strangers. You never can tell who might be kin to that person or who might be a lip-flapping, big-mouth spy.
Five rules that help Bud thrive are:
#39 The older you get, the worse something has to be to make you cry.
#87 When an adult tells you they need your help with a problem get ready to be tricked—most times this means they just want you to go fetch something for them.
#328 When you make up your mind to do something, hurry up and do it, if you wait you might talk yourself out of what you wanted in the first place.
#83 If a adult tells you not to worry, and you weren’t worried before, you better hurry up and start ’cause you’re already running late.
#118 You have to give adults something that they think they can use to hurt you by taking it away. That way they might not take something away that you really do want.