What does the line "for so I loved, in an innocent, half painful self-deceit, to call them" mean in Frankenstein?

At the end of Chapter 13, Frankenstein's monster realizes that the family he's been staying with has only accepted him because they were unaware of his appearance. The knowledge that they will run away from him as soon as they discover what he looks like (as everyone else does) is a bitter blow to the Monster. He expresses this bitterness by calling his love for them "self-deceit" – meaning he was lying to himself about their true feelings towards him.

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These words are spoken by Frankenstein 's monster at the end of Chapter 13. He's been staying with a family in their cottage, and though still every inch a monster, is gradually becoming more human thanks to the kindness and hospitality of Felix and his family. Felix is welcoming him...

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These words are spoken by Frankenstein's monster at the end of Chapter 13. He's been staying with a family in their cottage, and though still every inch a monster, is gradually becoming more human thanks to the kindness and hospitality of Felix and his family. Felix is welcoming him for the first time in his life, and the Monster is learning to read. From books, he receives an insight into how humans think and behave.

But of course the Monster has only been accepted by the family of cottagers because he's in disguise and they don't actually know what he looks like. For now, though, the Monster feels accepted by the family that he expresses genuine love and warmth towards them.

At the same time, however, he acknowledges that his love for the cottagers is shrouded in "self-deceit" meaning he knows deep down that he's fooling himself over the cottagers' true feelings towards him. The Monster is all too aware that once they see what's underneath his disguise the cottagers will immediately take fright just like everyone else.

Sadly, that's precisely what happens. When Felix sees the Monster, he's so horrified by his revolting appearance that he drives him away from the cottage. Humiliated and embittered by this unpleasant experience, the Monster swears to revenge himself against all human beings.

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