What does Ralph mean when he says, "I wasn't scared. I was-I don't know what I was." at the beginning of Chapter 10 in the novel Lord of the Flies?

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At the beginning of Chapter 10, Ralph and Piggy are having a conversation about what happened to Simon the previous night. Ralph tells Piggy that they murdered Simon. Piggy does not want to take responsibility for Simon's death and tries to rationalize their actions by claiming that it was dark, and they were scared. Ralph says, "I wasn't scared, I was---I don't know what I was" (Golding 156). Ralph is having difficulty articulating his thoughts and expressing his feelings regarding the incident. Ralph claims that he was not scared, but has difficulty explaining the frenzied, adrenaline rush he felt when he was participating in Simon's murder. Before Simon appeared from the forest, the boys were jumping, chanting, and dancing around, participating in a ceremonial war dance. Ralph became entranced in the ritual dance and felt the overwhelming excitement the boys created. Golding uses this moment to portray Ralph giving into his primitive instincts and losing his rational disposition. In the midst of the excitement, the frenzied boys spot Simon and mistake him for the beast. While the boys are attacking Simon, Ralph feeds into the frenzy and lets his primitive instincts take over. He cannot explain to Piggy the powerful feeling that came over him during the attack, but knows that he did not react out of fear. 

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