What do you think of my essay - I'll post it below. What things should I do to it to improve? Are there any words that could be replaced? And is it all in present tense?
Thank you for any help :)!
Essay: The Search for Identity
Question: The search for identity is often not a solitary effort. Explain how Skip and Joy Duncan help Carl understand who he really is.
Perhaps it is the insightful nature of humanity that allows us to understand our identity. In James Moloney’s novel A Bridge to Wiseman’s Cove, Carl Matt’s journey for identity is influenced through the use of Joy and Skip Duncan. Carl’s unique relationship with Joy allows him to develop an understanding of his values that he can contribute to the community. Likewise, Carl’s experiences with Skip develop him as a young adult, allowing him to realise his potential in the workforce and in life. Finally, Carl’s adoption into the Duncan family promotes and cultivates a sense of belonging within Carl which in turn, assists in his understanding of himself. Our search for identity is influenced by our peers and family, which is illustrated by Carl’s experiences and relationships with Joy and Skip Duncan.
Relationships can enhance our appreciation of our principles that we can offer to our community. Joy Duncan develops a bond with Carl that helps him acknowledge his positive qualities and characteristics.
Continued next post...
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Apart from a few minor errors in your grammar and English, this is a very strong effort. You clearly outline what you are going to do and then make your points, provide support for them in the form of quotations and then back that up with an analysis of those quotations or examples from the book. You would benefit from going back over your work and trying to iron out a few minor errors.
This looks pretty strong! One thing we all need to be on the lookout for are unclear pronoun references. Often we use such words as "this," "that," and "which" without making exactly clear what those words are referring to. I noticed this problem (I almost said just "this" right there), so you may want to go back through your paper and see if there are any instances of this kind of difficulty. Notice how, in the preceding few words, I wrote "this kind of difficulty" instead of just "this." It is often tempting for us to use just the word "this" without making absolutely clear what "this" refers to. The same kind of ambiguity is often associated with use of the word "which" by itself. You may want to look to see if you can make the referents of some of your "which's" clearer. Good luck!
Hey there! Some changes have been made, so I've made a new discussion! Check it out, and see if you can find some more things to improve on:
I've made some new sentence structures and also replaced some words and re-worded some sentences. Check it out :)!
The shrewd nature of society allows us to explore our qualities that contribute to our identity. Carl Matt acquires knowledge and personal understanding under the guidance of Joy and Skip Duncan. Carl’s relationship with Joy is a clear juxtaposition of a mother and son connection, where Carl learns about his values and characteristics. Having the opportunity to work on the Barge allows Carl to understand his potential in the workforce, which in turn allows him to scrutinise his characteristics. Finally, being a part of a family gives Carl a sense of belonging which assists in his search for identity. In order to give to our community, we first must understand who we are. Carl Matt found his identity, through his relationships and experiences with the Duncan family.
Again, thank you for any help you can give!
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