I need help in my text-to-text connection essay focused on the themes of Bread Givers and Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa.Anzia Yezierska introduces to us in the great novel Bread Givers, a young...

I need help in my text-to-text connection essay focused on the themes of Bread Givers and Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa.

Anzia Yezierska introduces to us in the great novel Bread Givers, a young girl who triumphs over poverty, rejection, and innumerable failures as a child. She will unfortunately never truly prosper as an adult in the world in which she lives. Likewise, in the novel Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa, Micol Ostow introduces to us the high school senior, Emily Goldberg who has a perfect summer planned, the highlight of which is a cross-country road trip with her two best friends before they head off to separate colleges. Her plans are drastically altered when her maternal grandmother dies suddenly and Emily's family must fly to Puerto Rico to attend the funeral. Although these two novels, Bread Givers and Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa have many differences, they both share common themes of cultural identity and tradition. Two young girls are looking to define themselves through their culture. 

 

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lentzk's profile pic

Kristen Lentz | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

Your introduction paragraph seems right on target.  I think that you do a solid job of giving background on both novels and focusing on the ways in which they are similar.  Here are specific edits:

  • Avoid passive voice:  For example, "are drastically altered" could be changed to "drastically alter."
  • In the last sentence:  'are looking' is passive voice.  Revise to say: 'Two young girls look to define...'
  • Watch out for your compound sentences' punctuation.  Make sure you add a comma before the coordinating conjunction, like "dies suddenly, and Emily's..."
  • Work on sentence two.  It feels a little awkward in comparison to your starting sentence.  The part I stumbled over is the three adverbs in a row: "unfortunately never truly" which feels a little wordy. 

I think the first paragraph is off to a strong start, especially when I think about all that you have written for the rest of your body paragraphs.

 

missyngdiva's profile pic

missyngdiva | Student, Grade 10 | (Level 1) Honors

Posted on

This is my revised Introduction:

Anzia Yezierska introduces to us in the great novel Bread Givers, a young girl who triumphs over poverty, rejection, and innumerable failures as a child. She will unfortunately never prosper as an adult in the world in which she lives. Likewise, in the novel Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa, Micol Ostow introduces to us the high school senior, Emily Goldberg who has a perfect summer planned, the highlight of which is a cross-country road trip with her two best friends before they head off to separate colleges. Her plans drastically alter when her maternal grandmother dies suddenly, and Emily's family must fly to Puerto Rico to attend the funeral. Although these two novels, Bread Givers and Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa have many differences, they both share common themes of cultural identity and tradition. Two young girls look to define themselves through their culture. 

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