Is this sentence correctly punctuated? His harshly chiseled face was surrounded by long, sleek, black hair, as while brilliant eyes of gold softened the harshness of his appearance.

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The first answer is correct in saying that the punctuation appear correct. The "as while" is confusing, although "while" would be acceptable. Eyes of gold color are seldom seen--especially, I would think, in a man with black hair. "Surrounded" seems wrong. His long hair would hang down on both sides...

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The first answer is correct in saying that the punctuation appear correct. The "as while" is confusing, although "while" would be acceptable. Eyes of gold color are seldom seen--especially, I would think, in a man with black hair. "Surrounded" seems wrong. His long hair would hang down on both sides of his face but would not completely surround his face. You might say "framed by long, sleek, black hair." It might not be necessary to say the hair was "long" if it surrounded or framed his whole face. But the punctuation, as the first answerer says, is fine.

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