How would one edit the following essay about my opinion of John Steinbeck's novel Of Mice and Men, concerning punctuation, spelling, etc.? Essay:...

How would one edit the following essay about my opinion of John Steinbeck's novel Of Mice and Men, concerning punctuation, spelling, etc.?

Essay:                                                                                                                      The story 'Of Mice and Men' was written by John Steinbeck. The story is about George and Lennie who are two displaced migrant ranch workers,who move from town to town in search of new Job opportunities during the Great depression in California, United States.   

This novel has made me think about the importance of friendship, by this I mean, George and Lennie were among the many migrant field workers looking for Jobs within California during the Great depression, the two work partners were previously employed in Weed, California but were soon forced to flee the job after Lennie's love of handling soft things when touching a woman's dress and not letting go, resulted in an accusation of attempted rape. Despite the fact that George grew tired of Lennie's daft actions, George felt the need to look out for Lennie and be his one and only friend because he knew that no matter how easy it was to Just leave Lennie to fend for himself, he would not be able to look himself in the mirror knowing that he selfishly left Lennie for the sake of having a normal fun life of doing what he wants, when he wants to, it soon becomes clear to me that the two are close friends and George is Lennie's protector.

After escaping from Weed the two decide to flee to Soledad and temporarily camp out near the Salinas river until they find themselves another Job, Lennie may not be the most brightest man in the world but he soon sensed that George was pretty unhappy about having to leave Weed and yet again be unemployed and having to find themselves another Job, Lennie felt the urge to leave George to it because he felt that he was a nuisance and George was better off without him, but George soon explained to Lennie " With us it ain't like that. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that gives a damn about us. We don't have to sit in no bar room blowin in our Jack Just because we got no place else to go" Lennie then said " But not us! And why because I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that's why" I feel that this quote really shows the strong connection of friendship between the two because I believe that George and Lennie both knew that they are very lucky to have each other, and to never take that for granted. I know this because throughout the story George and Lennie came across many different people with many different dreams, but they all felt lonely and like failures because they have not achieved their dream, and were left to suffer the disappointments of life all by themselves. I think that half of the reason why these characters felt so bad about themselves was because they had no one to look to for guidance and support during their tough times in life, this is why I believe that George would constantly remind Lennie that they are extremely lucky to have each other since most people do not get the chance to enjoy this comfort.


This novel has really helped me to understand how important friendship really is in life, to be completely honest I know for a fact that sometimes I can get really sick of my friends and Just want them to go away and give me some space, but after reading this novel I have realised that you can't Just take your friends for granted and treat them badly when it suits you, because that's not what being a good friend is about, even though at the time you may Just want to be left alone,you have to always remember to make the most of being around your friends and appreciate the fact that you have someone that cares about you to talk to about anything you may be struggling with in life. I feel that we as a society today are becoming less and less in contact with real people due to the huge amount of technology available to us, such as mobile phones and social media websites,like Facebook, I do believe that all this stuff can be a great way to keep in contact with people by sending someone a message at the click of a finger, but the reality is we are slowing losing our ability to be able to talk to someone face to face and make real friends, in real life, not over the internet on Facebook where you can pretty much be friends with anyone, but think about it, are these people on Facebook your real friends, that you could talk to about anything? I know for a fact that the answer would be no for the majority of people using social media. I feel that this is one of the huge reasons why the suicide rate is so high in a small country like New Zealand, because more and more people are becoming depressed due to the fact that they feel like they have no one to talk to about their problems,therefore they feel like nobody cares about them and they cannot cope because they feel unhappy and alone. I believe that if we spent less time texting and chatting to silly people that we don't know properly on our phones and social media, we would be forced to have to talk to people face to face in real life which would enable us to be able to make stronger friendships, with real people, who we would be able to talk to properly about anything at all, I most definitely believe that this would cause the depression and suicide rates all over the world to drop significantly enough to make our society a more of a positive place to live. 

2 Answers | Add Yours

tamarakh's profile pic

Tamara K. H. | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

Due to limits in space, below are a few ideas and concepts to help get you started.

First, any English paper analyzing literature should be thesis based, which means that you want a thesis statement to appear as the final sentence of your introductory paragraph. Your thesis statement will usually be your arguable opinion and serve as a road map to your whole essay by also listing major analytical points. Though a thesis statement states your opinion, it can and usually should be written in third person, not first person. However, there are definitely times when first person is acceptable, and your teacher will usually specify. One thing you want to note is that you're actually using your thesis statement as the topic sentence of your first body paragraph. Your thesis statement is the following:

This novel has made me think about the importance of friendship.

If it is acceptable for you to use first person in this paper, then you should feel free to keep the word me as is. If this is a standard academic paper, then you'll want to change the sentence to third person. Consider the following as a revision for your thesis statement in third person:

One important theme in the novel is the importance of friendship.

Also, more important than wording, you'll want to move your thesis statement up to the last sentence of your introductory paragraph.

Next, when writing an argument paper, you also want to pay attention to the rules of paragraph development, such as that a paragraph must have a topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding/transitional sentence.

What I pointed out earlier as your thesis statement actually continues into a run-on sentence, and half serves as your thesis, while the other half somewhat serves as a topic sentence for your first body paragraph. The full run-on sentence is as follows:

This novel has made me think about the importance of friendship, by this, I mean, George and Lennie were among the many migrant field workers looking for jobs within California during the Great Depression, ....

One thing to be clear on first though is that a run-on sentence is actually not a long sentence. Long sentences can be perfectly grammatical and absolutely great to work with. Run-on sentences are specifically two or more sentences incorrectly joined together ("What are Run-on Sentences?"). We can easily recognize run-on sentences if we know that one complete sentence only requires a subject (a person or thing doing the action in the sentence) and a verb (the action in the sentence). If you can notice you have two pairs or more of subjects and verbs and that those clauses are not joined by a conjunction (and, but, or, for, nor, yet, so), you know right away you have a run-on sentence. Let's break down yours a bit:

This novel [subject] has made [verb] me think about the importance of friendship ...

Here, already you have the subject "novel" followed by the verb phrase "has made," so you know you have one complete sentence ending at friendship.

Then, we have, "... by this I mean, George and Lennie [compound subject, meaning two subjects] were among [verb] ...". So here, we have the subject "George and Lennie" followed by the verb phrase "were among," showing us that this is a second complete sentence in your run-on. And, you even continue to say "the two work partners [subject] were previously [verb phrase]...," giving us yet a third pair of subjects and verbs and a third complete sentence in your run-on sentence.

However, you'll want to do more than just break up this opening sentence into three separate sentences for your first body paragraph; however, that is a start. Instead, you want to develop what you have into a strong topic sentence.

A topic sentence is a lot like a mini-thesis for your body paragraph. It introduces your whole argument for the paragraph, the argument you intend to use to prove your thesis. While you start to state your argument for the paragraph by mentioning the importance of friendship, you don't actually finish stating your argument until many lines later. The rest of your argument for the paragraph can be found in the following:

Despite the fact that George grew tired of Lennie's daft actions, George felt the need to look out for Lennie and be his one and only friend...

We've already used your argument about friendship as your thesis. So, your next step is to introduce in your topic sentence the first example concerning the importance of friendship that you intend to use to prove your thesis.

So, if we move and combine your later sentence with the first sentence of your first body paragraph, we could get the following as a topic sentence:

The importance of friendship is first demonstrated in the fact that despite the fact that George grew tired of Lennie's daft actions, George felt the need to look out for Lennie.

From here, you would continue to use your first body paragraph to explain Lennie's daft actions and why George wanted to look out for Lenny.

Sources:
iamkaori's profile picture

iamkaori | Student, Grade 9 | (Level 2) Salutatorian

Posted on

I am not a English teacher or anything, but these are some errors I found in your essay. I just copy pasted and edited if you don't mind. Try to avoid long sentences that have various ideas! Do remember to cite, and also avoid the use of first person language.

The story Of Mice and Men was written by John Steinbeck. The story is about George and Lennie, two displaced migrant ranch workers, who move from town to town in search of new Job opportunities during the Great depression in California, United States.   

This novel has made me think about the importance of friendship. George and Lennie were among the many migrant field workers looking for Jobs within California during the Great depression. The two work partners were previously employed in Weed, California but were soon forced to flee the job after Lennie's love of handling soft things when touching a woman's dress and not letting go, resulting in an accusation of attempted rape. Despite the fact that George grew tired of Lennie's daft actions, George felt the need to look out for Lennie and be his one and only friend, because he knew that no matter how easy it was to Just leave Lennie to fend for himself, he would not be able to look himself in the mirror knowing that he selfishly left Lennie for the sake of having a normal fun life of doing what he wants when he wants to. It soon becomes clear that the two are close friends and George is Lennie's protector.

After escaping from Weed, the two decide to flee to Soledad and temporarily camp out near the Salinas river until they find themselves another Job. Lennie may not be the brightest man in the world, but he soon sensed that George was pretty unhappy about having to leave Weed and yet again be unemployed thus having to find themselves another Job. Lennie felt the urge to leave George because he felt that he was a nuisance and George was better off without him. However, George soon explained to Lennie, "With us it ain't like that. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that gives a damn about us. We don't have to sit in no bar room blowin in our Jack Just because we got no place else to go"(CITE!). Lennie then said "But not us! And why because I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that's why" (CITE!). This quote really shows the strong friendship between the two because George and Lennie both knew that they are very lucky to have each other, and to never take that for granted. This can be seen throughout the story as George and Lennie come across many different people with many different dreams, but all felt lonely like failures because they have not achieved their dream, and were left to suffer the disappointments of life themselves. Part of the reason why these characters felt so bad about themselves was because they had no one to look to for guidance and support during their tough times in life, thus so George would constantly remind Lennie that they are extremely lucky to have each other since most people do not get the chance to enjoy this comfort.

This novel has really helped me understand how important friendship really is in life. To be completely honest, I know for a fact that sometimes I can get really sick of my friends and just want them to go away to give me some space. However, after reading this novel I have realised that you cannot just take your friends for granted and treat them badly when it suits you, because that is not what being a good friend is about. Even though at times you just want to be left alone, you have to always remember to make the most of being around your friends, and appreciate the fact that you have someone that cares about you to talk to about anything you may be struggling with in life. I feel that we as a society today, are becoming less and less in contact with real people due to the huge amount of technology available to us, such as mobile phones and social media websites, like Facebook. I do believe that all this technology can be a great way to keep in contact with people by sending someone a message at the click of a finger. However, the reality is we are slowing losing our ability to talk to someone face to face and make real friends in real life, unlike over the internet on Facebook where you can pretty much be friends with anyone. Still, think about it, are these people on Facebook your real friends that you could talk to about anything? I know for a fact that the answer would be no for the majority of people using social media. I feel that this is one of the huge reasons why the suicide rate is so high in a small country like New Zealand, because more and more people are becoming depressed due to the fact that they feel like they have no one to talk to about their problems, therefore they feel like nobody cares about them and they cannot cope with being unhappy and alone. I believe that if we spent less time sending texts and chatting to silly people that we don't know properly on our phones and social media, we would be forced to talk to people face to face in real life. This will enable us to be able to make stronger friendships with real people who we would be able to talk to properly about anything at all. I most definitely believe that this would cause the depression and suicide rates all over the world to drop significantly enough to make our society a more of a positive place to live.

We’ve answered 318,914 questions. We can answer yours, too.

Ask a question