I have a thesis for my research about the writer, Francisco Jimenez: Francisco Jimenez's books have received honors and become an encouragement for others because they reflect truly his rise and...

I have a thesis for my research about the writer, Francisco Jimenez: Francisco Jimenez's books have received honors and become an encouragement for others because they reflect truly his rise and fall and struggles as a immigrant before he reaches successes in his literary career. 

I feel that my sentence is not really good. Could you give me your comments? Thanks!

Asked on by smallocean

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sciftw | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

Getting rid of a few words here and there will clean it up quite a bit.  A thesis statement should be direct and to the point, so you don't want to be overly wordy.  

Francisco Jimenez's books have received honors and become an encouragement for others because they reflect his rise, fall, and struggles as an immigrant before he reached success in his literary career. 

The above reads a bit tighter than your original.  I got rid of a few words and made your "rise, fall, and struggles" read like one continuous list.  

I would like to offer another suggestion too.  I would end your thesis with the word "immigrant" and eliminate everything after it.  The thesis already mentions Jimenez's successful literary career by stating that his books have received honors.  The last part of the thesis statement is repetitive.  

Francisco Jimenez's books have received honors and become an encouragement for others because they reflect his rise, fall, and struggles as a immigrant.  

Who is the "others" that you refer to in the thesis.  I recommend being more specific.  Other readers? Other authors?  Other immigrants?  Who?  Right now it's too vague.  

With those changes, I think you have a strong thesis.  You make a great initial statement about his books being well received and powerful, and then you tell your reader why that is the case.  They reflect Jimenez's own struggle. 

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