Are there any suggestions that you can make to help improve my thesis statement about "The Great Gatsby?"This is the thesis statement: "Tom and Gatsby are both trying to accomplish the same goal in...

Are there any suggestions that you can make to help improve my thesis statement about "The Great Gatsby?"

This is the thesis statement: "Tom and Gatsby are both trying to accomplish the same goal in the book, which is to experience a moment in their past which involves Daisy, though both characters go about completing their goal in many different ways."

Expert Answers
ophelious eNotes educator| Certified Educator

Wow.  That's a really interesting thesis to have come up with.  I'd be curious to read your paper when it was finished!

I think your thesis just needs to be "tightened up" a little bit. When it comes to writing a good thesis, you want to cut out all the extra words that you can.

Hmm..how about this:

"In 'The Great Gatsby,' both Tom and Gatsby, through Daisy, are trying to recreate a moment from their past, though they go about it in different ways."

It's still a bit of a mouthful...I don't care so much for the commas.  Let's try a variation:

"Though they go about it in different ways, both Tom and Gatsby attempt to recreate a moment from their past that involves Daisy."

This one is a little less awkward, but I don't like the fact that the statement doesn't identify the book the characters come from.  Maybe I am just old fashioned, or something, but I think that the reader should be able to quickly understand what you are writing about without seeing the assignment you are responding to.

"Though they go about it in different ways, both Tom and Gatsby, from the novel "The Great Gatsby," attempt to recreate a moment from their past that involves Daisy."

This seems to be like a good compromise between the two.  I might be able to help you more if I really understood what you were trying to write about.  The Gatsby part I get, but I am not sure how Tom is trying to do something with his past that involves Daisy.  I guess I will have to wait for you to write the paper!

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The Great Gatsby

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