Rewrite the following sentence, replacing the inflated diction with clear, straightforward words.The responses of the public to the survey revealed that there is growing concern about lack of...

Rewrite the following sentence, replacing the inflated diction with clear, straightforward words.

The responses of the public to the survey revealed that there is growing concern about lack of safety on public thoroughfares.

Asked on by lexibell70

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dkaye | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Adjunct Educator

Posted on

Being able to write concisely is a great skill.  While it's great to have a big vocabulary, there's no reason to use complex or long words when simple ones will do!

First, rewwrite the roundabout prepositional phrases. Instead of "responses of the public", try "the public's responses", and rather than "responses...to the survey", try "survey responses".  That gets us to The public's survey responses; four words replace eight, without losing meaning. In fact, we can probably get rid of "the public's", too because it's too vague to add anything substantial to the picture.  Survey responses conveys the same information.

Next, let's replace phrases with one-word synonyms wherever possible. "Lack of safety" might be replaced with "danger", and we could substitute "the streets" for "public thoroughfares".  If we made those changes, we'd have Survey responses revealed growing concern about danger on the streets. Overall, we've reduced the original sentence's 21 words to 10, and simplified the inflated phrasing and vocabulary ("public thoroughfares") into plain English.

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