The Race to save Apollo 13The story was written mainly from the point of view of the people at mission control. Re-write one section (at least one paragraph) of the selection from the point of view...
The Race to save Apollo 13
The story was written mainly from the point of view of the people at mission control. Re-write one section (at least one paragraph) of the selection from the point of view of the astronauts. Explain, in at least one more paragraphs, how this point of view changes the tone and effectiveness of the piece.
I wrote the paragraph but I don't really think it's in the astronauts point of view and I don't know how I can explain how this point of view changes the tone and effectiveness. My paragraph: When looking through damage reports, Gene Kranz had suspected a problem. Kranz realized the damage that ripped through the equipment but the astronauts were still protected. The astronauts were three quarters away from the moon, but the only way to get back was to depend on the moons gravity. It would take more than three days and will require more oxygen and electricity than what Lovell and his crew supplied.
You are not yet writing from the point of view of the astronauts. The paragraph needs to sound as if one of the astronauts is talking directly to the reader.
The three astronauts aboard Apollo 13 were James Lovell, John Swigert, and Fred Haise. Pick one of these gentlemen, find out what his particular responsibilities were for the flight, and find out what his involvement was in managing the damage control, the creation of the makeshift air filter system, and the flying of the spacecraft around the Moon and back to Earth. Then, write your paragraph as if that person was talking to you, telling you about the part of the situation that you choose to portray.
In your followup paragraph, talk about how it feels different to read about the same situation from the standpoint of the people in Mission Control (like Gene Kranz, who were very concerned but safe on Earth) as contrasted with the standpoint of one of the astronauts on Apollo 13 (under very stressful and uncomfortable conditions with real questions about whether or not they would be able to return to Earth and survive). It should sound much more immediately threatening from the astronaut's point of view!
You have a good beginning, but it is from the point of view of the ground crew, not of the astronauts on board Apollo 13. You could add a great deal of suspense by placing the reader on board the space ship, starting with the incident of the exploding oxygen tank. This incident occurred just nine minutes after a TV broadcast from the space ship, when there was a loud bang and a warning light. One of the astronauts, John Swigart, informed ground control, "Houston, we've had a problem here." The astronauts on board the ship noticed that one of their oxygen tanks was empty, and the other was venting oxygen into space.
Try to imagine what the astronauts felt at this moment, when they were 200,000 miles from earth and had to escape into the Lunar Module lifeboat without enough water for their journey. By showing the terror and tribulations of the astronauts, you will help the reader understand the perils of their situation and enhance the sense of urgency of the ground crew.