Please respond to this statement. (more opinions the better) Thank you!"Arranged marriages might last longer because each is more willing to forgive. Therefore, that is probably why most cultures...

Please respond to this statement. (more opinions the better) Thank you!

"Arranged marriages might last longer because each is more willing to forgive. Therefore, that is probably why most cultures continue this way of life."

Asked on by jp0830

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teachertaylor's profile pic

teachertaylor | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Senior Educator

Posted on

This is one of the most interesting discussions I've seen on the site!  I agree with many of your ideas regarding marriage and the nature of forgiveness.  We forget that arranged marriages were (and still are) used for creating familial relationships and bonds between families for financial and/or social purposes.  These types of marriages go well beyond the scope of the couple and have great implications on the families involved.  So if there is some type of disagreement between the couple, it is in their best interest to resolve the problem to maintain the familial ties.  So simply forgiving for the sake of forgiving is not really the issue.

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marbar57 | Elementary School Teacher | (Level 3) Associate Educator

Posted on

I'm not in an arranged marriage, but believe they can work.  Mohatma Gandhi and his wife had an arranged marriage and stayed in it, working together, learning to love and respect each other, and fulfilling their commitment to each other until she died (in her 80's).  Do you think they learned to forgive each other?  Absolutely!  Did their marriage work?  Absolutely! 

I think arranged marriages are actually part of some cultures' religious beliefs and I won't speak against them for that reason.  And, we all know of the political alliances that have been formed between countries by arranging marriages.  Personally I think some people are meant for each other--call it pre-destiny or kindred spirits--but I think people can come together in a marriage for a mutual benefit and learn to love and/or respect each other.  All marriages require "give-and-take" and pre-arranged marriages are no different.

 

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amy-lepore | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

I do not live in an arranged marriage, nor do I know anyone who does, but from all the books I've read which included arranged marriages there is always what seems like pressure from the families (mergers and alliances it reminds me of) for the marriages to work since so much more than just the marriage rely on it.  For this reason, I believe that people who are in arranged marriages--even if they never learn to love the person to whom they are married (which I understand many do)--do not speak the disagreements they have with one another out loud but rather keep it to themselves and live with the irritation or sweep it neatly under the rug to ignore it.

If more people who are not in arranged marriages did this sort of thing, the divorce rate would not be quite so high.

ask996's profile pic

ask996 | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

First I would like the poster to explain upon what he or she has used to base the assertion "each is more willing to forgive." Where does this information come from? Rather than forgiving, is it possible that neither party are emotionally invested enough to care about things that might require forgiveness? Too, is it possible that many arranged marriages are made for financial or business reasons and are thus more difficult to extricate oneself from?

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dastice | Elementary School Teacher | (Level 1) Assistant Educator

Posted on

Forgiveness may play a role in the success of arranged marriages.  We tend to have an easier time forgiving those we do not invest a lot of emotion into rather than those for whom we have a deep emotional attachment.  An arranged marriage is, in essence, a business relationship instead of a romantic one.  We generally expect less from those we do business with than from those with whom we are romantically involved.

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besure77 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

I believe that one of the reasons that arranged marriages may last longer is because of the beliefs of that particular society. I think it may be possible that people that are involved in these kinds of marriages come from cultures that value marriage very deeply. I am not so sure that it is because they can forgive more easily.

martinjmurphy's profile pic

martinjmurphy | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Associate Educator

Posted on

I don't really agree with the statement that arranged marriages last longer because each person is more willing to forgive.  First of all, I'm not sure there is anyway to really measure the "forgiveness factor"  in a marriage. Is there any evidence that arranged marriages last longer?  If so, there could several reasons for this besides the forgiveness factor. Perhaps in i that have arranged marriages divorce is something that is seen so negatively that there is pressure to stay in the marriage even if it is a bad one?  Or perhaps there are laws that discourage divorce.  I think it is hard to say.

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Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

As much as an advocate that I am for arranged marriages, seeing that I live in one, I am not sure I agree with the statement.  The notion of forgiveness as something that is more present in arranged marriages is not valid in my mind.  I don't think that arranged marriages have cornered the market on forgiveness or the willingness to forgive.  A couple of points to be made here.  One would be that simply because divorce is discouraged in an arranged marriage does not automatically translate in a greater capacity to forgive.  There can be, and in some cases is, resentment that is fostered over time, creating significant walls and barriers in any marriage situation that can be present even if divorce or separation is an option.  The second point would be that as the world becomes more global and as ideas are spread more rapidly and with greater ease as information technology increases its reach, the predispositions of one culture become absorbed by another.  Hence, the idea that specific cultures do not forgive and others do could be rebutted as different cultures absorb one another's ideas.  This would mean that both cultures might not be willing to forgive.  I don't buy the statement, but having been married as an arranged marriage, I really hope that the statement is true... for my own sake! :)

auntlori's profile pic

Lori Steinbach | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Before I think about the arranged marriages, I'm looking more carefully at the statement.  Note all the qualifying words: might, longer, more, probably, and most.  It's pretty tough to respond definitively to a statement with so much "wiggle room."  That being said, I'll give it a shot.

There is a wide diversity in the term arranged marriage.  I know of a couple who were given, by their parents, a "pool" of approved choices from which to select a mate  Compared to most western marriages, that seems pretty arranged; however, other cultures might actually see that as freedom of choice rather than arranged.  Their marriage has lasted more than 20 years, but how can anyone know if that's longer, shorter, or the same as it might have been if they'd each married someone else. In addition, how can one quantify forgiveness?  Or make the correlation between forgiveness and a long-lasting marriage?

The concept of "most cultures" is a little surprising to me, as that is not my understanding of the world.  I know arranged marriages do happen often; however, to say most countries adhere to this practice might well be innaccurate.  Then, to say they continue the practice solely for the benefit of longer-lasting marriages (again, a correlation not yet proven) is unrealistic.  It may be on the list of reasons, but the other possibilities are limitless and probably begin with the concept of tradition. 

The premise is so flawed I really have trouble getting to the issue.  In short, do I think arranged marriages are more...more what, exactly?...have more longevity than other marriages? I'd say it depends on the culture and the level of acceptance of that culture for each party involved.  As in most things, if people are resentful and bitter at having this choice made for them, their marriage will reflect that.  However, once people choose to be accepting and content, they are.

Interesting question!

pohnpei397's profile pic

pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I do agree that many people in arranged marriages may be more forgiving.  However, I do not believe that this is why societies keep having such marriages.

In love marriages, we expect our spouses to be perfect (to some extent).  We choose them because we love them and think that they are wonderful.  If they fall short of this, it can hurt us very much.

However, I think that most societies that keep arranged marriages do so because it is traditional.  In such societies, the older and more traditionally-minded people want to keep power.  They want to do things the way they have always been done.  I do not think that they are mostly concerned with making sure that married couples have successful relationships.

redscar's profile pic

redscar | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 1) Salutatorian

Posted on

Both arrange and love marriages lasts longer,forever.. Everyone from my family,relatives did marry the one they loved and are happy and gonna continue like this..

The most important thing in marriage is trust,respect and responsibilities towards each other. And if a couple has all these between them,then their marriage is bound to last longer and they'll always be happy.

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xs7528620xs | Student, College Freshman | eNotes Newbie

Posted on

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xs7528620xs | Student, College Freshman | eNotes Newbie

Posted on

These types of marriages go well beyond the scope of the couple and have great implications on the families involved.

 

 

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