Please help with biography?Can you please help me proofread, check grammar, punctuation and spelling of the biography and make it flow with a more interesting, complex sentence structure. Later on,...

Please help with biography?

Can you please help me proofread, check grammar, punctuation and spelling of the biography and make it flow with a more interesting, complex sentence structure.


Later on, he then went to King Ghasi Middle school and then to King Faisal High School. [Removed for Internet security.].

Asked on by rainbow224

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mizzwillie | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

Because of length constrictions, I cannot do as you ask with your paper.  However, I can help you write more complex sentences which still express your ideas and yet reduce the extra words.  For example, look at the number of your sentences which begin with the word 'he' or 'his'.  A complex sentence with its Independent clause can carry several Dependent clauses or even phrases in a simple sentence if you phrase them correctly.  To try this out, "He had only...."  "Developing an understanding of his woodworking skills, he entered many competitions, winning many prizes." The Independent clause is "he entered many competitions" while the rest is simply phrases which describe the information you put into simple or compound sentences.  I also find it hard to follow your ideas as you move back and forth instead of in a linear path which is easier for a reader.  You have him after high school, back at 15, visiting his mother as a young man, then as an adult answering a question about his childhood.  Please try to put this in a logical order so that your reader can follow you.

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