Please help me improve it and reduce its word count to 250 words Silence is Golden We humans have tendency to talk more and to listen less, the main cause of it is that we have forgotten the art of...

Please help me improve it and reduce its word count to 250 words

Silence is Golden

We humans have tendency to talk more and to listen less, the main cause of it is that we have forgotten the art of waiting and allowing ourselves to listen to other viewpoints.

When we are silent and waiting, something great inside us keeps on growing, and silence gives birth to creativity.

 Moreover, biting our tongues keeps us out of trouble and the less hearts we hurt. While when we talk more, we make more mistakes and make the situation worse.

Silence is good because it gives you more concentration on what is going on and for you to build up your thoughts and it teaches you to be a better listener.

Silence can add an air of mystery to your persona. Moreover, People trust with silent people with their secrets as well.
There are times when silence become the most potential way of communication and it's more effective than words. This is because silence speaks volumes without saying a word. Even most sophisticated words can't express truth. Words are hints and shortcuts to meanings.
Undeniably, silence needs a special kind of power and authority of mind, to say nothing is more difficult than expressing anger, happiness, love, betrayal with words. Silence has to be learnt and perfected to be as gold purified and tested. That's why it's a quite difficult conflict between a man and his mind to a long journey of controlling our senses and reactions.

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.

Asked on by shit5

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billdelaney's profile pic

William Delaney | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I started fooling around with your essay and ended up with the following revised version. I agree with Ashley Kannan that your last sentence sounds a bit clunky, but I didn't try to change it because he already had already done so. According to my word counter, my version is exactly 250 words. 

I suggest that you begin your essay with the quote rather than ending it that way. This is because you are a young student and might sound less pontifical (preachy) if you were just extrapolating on some great authority.

Silence is Golden

"Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.”

We modern humans have a tendency to talk more and listen less. We have forgotten the art of waiting and constraining ourselves to listen to other viewpoints.

When we are silent and patient, something inside us often keeps growing. Silence can give birth to creativity.

 Moreover, biting our tongues keeps us out of trouble. We are less likely to say the wrong thing to the wrong person. When we talk more, we make more mental and verbal mistakes and only exacerbate a bad situation.

Silence is wise because it gives you more focus on what is going on. It allows you to clarify  your thoughts and makes you a better listener.

Silence can also add an air of intrigue to your persona. Moreover, people tend to trust reticent people with their secrets.

There are times when silence becomes the preferable mode of communication--more effective than any words. Silence often speaks volumes without saying a word. Even most sophisticated words can't express truth. Words are hints and shortcuts to meanings.

Undeniably, silence needs a special kind of power of mind. To say nothing is more difficult than expressing anger, happiness, love, or resentment in words. Silence has to be learned and perfected to be like gold purified and tested. That's why it's quite a difficult conflict between ourselves and our mind in the long journey of controlling our senses and reactions.

Sources:
akannan's profile pic

Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

In my mind, if we are just looking at a word count issue, there are not many areas to be changed.

In terms of word count, the writing is pretty close to the desired 250.  There are some small edits that can be made to chip away at the overall number. In the third paragraph, I would eliminate "and the less hearts we hurt."  Getting rid of the next word would cause it to be this: "Moreover, biting our tongues keeps us out of trouble.   When we talk more, we make more mistakes and make the situation worse."  This is a bit tighter sentence construction than what was there.  

The other area where I would make some changes would be in the final paragraph.  There are good ideas there, but it can be presented in a tighter manner.  I would keep the first sentence and end it with "authority of mind." As an opening sentence to a paragraph, you want to be clear and forceful. While the emotions mentioned are really good ones, they take a bit from the opening of the paragraph. I would also get rid of the "perfected to be as gold purified." It's an image that requires explanation that would push you over your word count. Finally, there's a bit of wordiness in the final sentence.  It's slightly clunky.  I cleaned it up a bit.  With that, I think the final paragraph would look like this:

Undeniably, silence needs a special kind of power and authority of mind. Silence has to be learnt and perfected.  That's why it's quite a long and difficult journey in controlling our power of speech.  

This is the path I see to get you under your 250 word count.

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