Question

Please give me suggestions about how to improve this analysis.Other problems that this episode introduces are facing emotions and relationship issues. Creators of “Moby Dick” episode depict the connectivity of gaining weight to emotional problems. Firstly, due to Dick’s and Mr.Albright breakup, Dick started gaining weight as he has been “filling an emotional void with food”.  This verifies that the emotions do have a significant effect in one’s eating habits. This is also demonstrated in the episode where Tommy’s eating habits also change after he breaks up with August. He starts eating similarly to Dick to also deal with his relationship matter. Those issues make the show more enjoyable to watch as many people can relate. 
One of the unique aspects of Moby Dick is the product placement throughout this show.  Products like ‘Diet Cola’ and ‘Mys Salt Potato Chips’ where used by the actors during the show to entice folk to head to the store. This is a benefit for those companies as they’ll get their products advertised by actors whose many fans are watching their show.

Accepted Answer

I like the first paragraph.  I think that there is much within it that is quite strong.  I would replace "Firstly" with "Initially."  The last sentence could stand to be worded in a manner that shows how both plots of the episode deal effectively with the issue of emotional difficulties and eating habits.  I think that there could be more offered here as opposed to a clear opinion being offered.  I tend to think that the second paragraph undermines or at the very least, diverges, from the focus of the first paragraph.  It seems to me that there has to be some level of thought as to what purpose the second paragraph is to serve.  If there is a desire to bring forth the idea that product placement and corporate sponsorship takes away from the intent of the episode, perhaps that can be worded in a different way.  I think that if the primary purpose of the first paragraph is to ensure that there is a connection in the episode between eating habits and emotional depression, there can be a further analysis offered in the second paragraph that the use of product placement is a commercial attempt to undermine the artistic sentiment of the episode.

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Please give me suggestions about how to improve this analysis. Other problems that this episode introduces are facing emotions and relationship issues. Creators of “Moby Dick” episode depict the...

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