I like the first paragraph. I think that there is much within it that is quite strong. I would replace "Firstly" with "Initially." The last sentence could stand to be worded in a manner that shows how both plots of the episode deal effectively with the issue of emotional difficulties...
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I like the first paragraph. I think that there is much within it that is quite strong. I would replace "Firstly" with "Initially." The last sentence could stand to be worded in a manner that shows how both plots of the episode deal effectively with the issue of emotional difficulties and eating habits. I think that there could be more offered here as opposed to a clear opinion being offered. I tend to think that the second paragraph undermines or at the very least, diverges, from the focus of the first paragraph. It seems to me that there has to be some level of thought as to what purpose the second paragraph is to serve. If there is a desire to bring forth the idea that product placement and corporate sponsorship takes away from the intent of the episode, perhaps that can be worded in a different way. I think that if the primary purpose of the first paragraph is to ensure that there is a connection in the episode between eating habits and emotional depression, there can be a further analysis offered in the second paragraph that the use of product placement is a commercial attempt to undermine the artistic sentiment of the episode.