This portion of the essay has a clear topic sentence to open it. I believe that, again, I would replace "Firstly" with "Initially." I think that there might be some level of analysis about the line regarding the "fat loser." This section of the essay might be strengthened if you are able to explain how the notion of a "fat loser" is reflective of society's attitude regarding those who are overweight. The other essay where I think that a bit more detail is going to be needed is in the gender issue. There is the loaded line featured about how men and women differ in terms of society's impressions of weight gain. I think that this needs to be expanded and detailed a bit more. It seems to me that this is a very important issue for a couple of reasons. The first is that it directly ties into the thesis statement, or the topic sentence, in that it talks about social distinction with weight gain. The second reason it is important is because it fully addresses how the show addresses the issue of social perception in weight gain through a gender point of view. I think that this is important to bring out and would expand on this point, amplifying it, in order to add more indepth analysis to the paragraph.