Please give me suggestions about how to improve this review.  After Dick and Dr. Albright’s relationship came to an end, Dick’s eating habits changed and he started eating a lot. After Dick’s...

Please give me suggestions about how to improve this review. 

After Dick and Dr. Albright’s relationship came to an end, Dick’s eating habits changed and he started eating a lot. After Dick’s realizes he has gained so much weight, he begins dieting, exercising and attending support groups until he realizes that he has been, “ filling an emotion void with food” to compensate missing Marry. Sally has got a tomato plant from Mrs. Dubcet and starts talking to it and even gives it a name. Tommy thinks that August might be cheating on him so he hires a crime novel buff Harry to be his private eye.  The show mostly focuses on Dick and Tommy as they both encounter relationship problems that they attempt to resolve with food. Humour for entertainment means was also portrayed throughout the show as problems seek solutions. 

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mwestwood eNotes educator | Certified Educator

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A good paragraph always begins with a topic sentence that makes a clear statement about the subject (topic) to be written about; in addition, it expresses a precise opinion.  Now, in your paragraph the topic sentence seems to be the the second to the last one; so, you should move it to the beginning of the paragraph, revising a little, also:

The ______[ use the title rather than writing "the show"]focuses upon Dick's and Tommy's interpersonal relationships and the problems resulting from them that they deal with by emotional eating.

Now, use transitional words to connect sentences because you want your ideas to be coherent and "flow" together for your reader. Following the instructions of the previous post, be sure to give background...

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