What can be done to improve this essay? This essay has scrutinized the four misleading representation depicted though media and their significant influences on young people. Interpretation of violence...

What can be done to improve this essay?

This essay has scrutinized the four misleading representation depicted though media and their significant influences on young people. Interpretation of violence has been analysed through different categories including violence is everywhere, violence is justified, violence is funny and violence is often rewarded and rarely has negative consequences. The impact of portraying violence in these ways will send an impression to young viewers that violence is acceptable and the world is a dangerous place. Therefore, there needs to be action taken to prevent how media influences young viewers. One way this can be achieved is by parental control where guardians or parents examine the ratings of the shows viewed by their children and consider what is appropriate and what is not. Secondly, teachers can also assist by raising awareness regarding the misleading ways in which violence is portrayed in the media. By acting in these ways the extent to which the media can mislead young people about violence can be reduced.  

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Gracie O'Hara eNotes educator | Certified Educator

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The main area in which the essay needs to be improved, as far as is immediately obvious, is need for a narrower, more provable thesis. While your four categories of claims about violence in the media seem to be probable, for an academic essay, you need to provide a narrow claim and specific, detailed factual evidence. Can you take...

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