You’ve done a good job here of having a topic sentence and a concluding sentence and having the rest of the paragraph support the topic sentence. That’s very good. My comments, then, will have to do with wording only since the content of the paragraph is good.
In the first sentence, you can’t say “makes it evident about…” The “it” in that sentence does not refer to anything; it has no antecedent. You might say “…makes society’s attitudes towards weight evident.”
In the second sentence, “and it led” should be “which leads.” “Led” is past tense while the sentence begins in the present tense. In the same sentence, what do you mean be “the real issue?” It would be better if you made this clear.
In the third sentence, “fat” should not be capitalized.
In the sixth sentence, you wording is awkward. Try to say it more clearly. For example, “This proves that society puts more pressure on women to be skinny than it puts on men.”
Again, you’ve done well with the structure of this paragraph and with having it discuss one topic only.